My Journal

My Journal – Episode 1

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By Amah

It was 2pm on Saturday, Zavi was taking out her old things to create enough space for the new things in her room when she stumbled on a colorful faded journal, stared at it for some time then she frowned because it brought a lot of sad memories to her that she tried to forget for years…is been twelve years. And she hasn’t written anything on the journal since it was given to her… she robbed her hand on its body… the journal has changed with the years. The colors has almost gone off, the body is looking so worn out but the inside was still new, she has other journal she has written things inside but this one was never touched.. she wanted to burn it along with other old things but decided to dropped it..

When she retired for the night, she relaxed on her cushion with a glass of juice.. as she watch her best soap opera.. as zavi wanted to drop the glass of juice with her eyes still fixed on the television the liquid poured on something.. she rushed to get something to clean she was cleaning she noticed the same journal.. she quickly check if it has gotten sucked but realized nothing happened to it.. she breathed a sign of relieve, She sat back down with the journal and decided to flash back to the dreaded place she didn’t want to be.. which was in her past…she went back to the memory lane of twelve years… how it all started..

“If I have to come again to this world… Gina, I will really love to be you, I don’t like the life I came to meet, is a sad and cold world but look at you, just take a good and long look at yourself, you are beautiful, your parents have money, you are in a rich man school while and just in a local school, although that’s what my parents can afford, I trek a long distance to school every day, I have just three exercise books for eight subjects, I share them by using one book for two or three subjects, there’s no test book, I supposed to be in same class or even higher because I’m older than you with two years, I’m fifteen and in jss2, that’s way too old but I’m actually grateful that I can finally go to school, even before my father could afford to send me to school, I have already find means to learn a whole lot of things from our neighbor kids who don’t mind sharing their books with me anytime, so what I’m even learning in jss2 is too small because right now my neighbor is in ss2..and we still learn together. I’m always far ahead of the class in my exams… my parents asked me and my sister Karena to wait until there was money to start college after our primary, you will be fourteen by next week and you are in ss2 already, you are beautiful and you wear beautiful dresses which I secretly admire..hahahaha… and foot wears too, you and your sister and your brother even have driver that takes you to and fro…just looking at you…your future is so so bright.. That one may even need sun shade to shield shades from the brightness very soon”… mine is so doomed that I may be needing a torchlight to see through… hahahaha…isn’t that funny,

Hahahaha! But “wait, wait I told you my whole life is boring, despite having everything I want I’m still lacking from something, my needs for happiness and freedom is still not met, can’t you see.. all I do is to read books and watch television when I’m home… Kendrick can do as he pleases, Dad is planning to get a car for Kendrick and send him abroad to continue studies, he is sixteen, he has friends and they play basketball and other games together but I’m yet to get there…Jane is mum’s pet, always sticking her long neck in my business, every little thing she will go and gossip to mum and mummy will start reacting…sometimes she will not even chance to explain…Jane is always full of herself…she says a lot of matured words and I wonder where she’s learning that from… and we can’t lay a hand on her because of mum. She will just skin us.. Jane is just 11, my Dad is more loving than my mum but he’s always traveling…hardly home

…my Dad being a minister and my mum secretary to the governor all they talk about mostly is politics, every time, ‘politics this and politics that, attending one event or the other one party meeting or the other, traveling every now and then… yes… They give us whatever we ask for and even leave a lot of money for me, Jane and Kendrick with the care takers, me I’m just tired.. don’t pray to be like me…because my life is really boring. Very boring… I’m not even allowed to have friends or attend parties because I’m not yet fourteen….you are the only close friend I have…that’s even because your mum works for us so I get to see you often. And only gist with you when mum is not around. Is really bad like that

Sometimes I just write in my journal what my life would be like if I was free,

My birthday is next week and my Dad said is gonna be big because he will be around and he will be inviting dignitaries, and some of them will be coming with their kids, maybe from there I will make close friends who can visit or who I can visit, that I can always visit. Funny enough mum allows Jane to mingle. She has friends who she visit and who visit’s her…she even goes to parties..i don’t know why mine is different.. Mum never complain but if I ask her for permission to do something she will tell me reasons why I should be reading because she and Dad want me to study law….bla bla bla..anyway I’m looking forward to my birthday… just imagining it and writing how is gonna turn out make’s me happy..

Gina… can I come, I have not attended a rich people party since I was born and I will really love to experience what it is like.. don’t worry I will be hidden in the crowd, I won’t even be notice… I will be invisible…just invite me pleaseeee

Hmmm..Zavi. i don’t know.. is not me really.. is my parents of which my Dad has no problem but mum…hmm she can be crazy, but you and your mum supposed to be busy that day. How do you want to do it..?

Yes I will be, me and my mum will be here early in the morning as usual to clean all the compound and wash what needed washing, I will also come with a change of cloth too… wait for after party to do our final cleaning, what I’m saying is I can hurry up with my work in the morning, ones I’m done I will just change up and join the party, I know is strictly by invitation that’s why I’m asking you to invite me so that I won’t be thrown out by all those funny looking security men..

Let me ask my mum first, you are my friend and I will not want you to be embarrassed at my party, ones my mum notice you , she will be probably mad at me..but I guess she will be so occupy parading herself as if she is the celebrant…she won’t even notice you.. but Jane may want to update her later and the outcome maybe bad..I will even like you to come with your sister..but to avoid uncertainty allow me to stylishly ask her first if she comes back today, when you come tomorrow to clean I will tell you what she said

…I just pray she will agree, you said you have a journal where you write something… what’s that.. is it like a normal book we use in writing in school

Not really, journal comes in different forms and shape, some of them have motivational word written in them, some are girl stuff, then a place to write, they are meant to be your secret book, where you write down your worries fears, crush, pets food, travel or things you feel you should write down, it can be emotional… I have journals I haven’t use before, it was given to me by my Dad, he got it the last time he traveled to Norway.. is beautiful and colorful… I will like you to have can write down how you want your future to be… and begin to see it that way…that’s what my Dad use to say… write positive things even after the negatives… your future is also bright…maybe brighter than mine…it depends on how you see it.. wait let me get in my room

Okay, thank you Gina, I have not really owned anything much beautiful in my life… thank you one million times…

Gina went inside to her room and came out with a colorful pink book and gave it to Zavi. She was speechless…and hugged Gina.. after spending some time with Gina she stood up to leave, Jane, Gina’s younger sister who was nine years came outside

‘Gina, why are you always gisting and laughing with her when mum and Dad is not around, but ones they are around you won’t be seen together and mum has warned you to stop talking to her, she doesn’t belong in our class.. you won’t listen now, we shouldn’t be seen with people that has no class, isn’t that what she said, and her mum is one of our maid that sweeping and cleaning, she only come when her mum can’t come and now she is your friend, somebody with a low class, a nobody.. that is why mum said you can’t have friends because if you are allowed you will make friends with street beggars, everybody that crosses your part, that’s gross… why is she having your journal, I will tell for you when mum comes back..

Zavi don’t mind her, that’s how she behaves… Jane is it not my journal…if you like tell…I will tell mum that is one of my old journal I gave her..

‘Please don’t tell your mum Jane, I will drop the journal and be on my way…my mum must be waiting for me..

As they were talking Kendrick who was playing in a basketball cot came after hearing Gina explain to him what was happening..

You talk too much Jane that’s why you have a wide mouth, what is your business, is the journal yours, isn’t it for Gina, if she choose to give it out,how does that affect you…you are just looking for what to gossip to mum.. Zavi, Gina gave you the don’t have to drop it because of Jane’s threat, you can have it, you don’t have to return it back..

Thank you Gina and Kendrick

Their guardian called them to come inside, it was time for lunch

Maybe you can join us for lunch Zavi’ since mum and Dad is not around…nobody will disturb you.. Kendrick said and Gina nodded

Jane was very angry with Gina and Kendrick, “Join who for lunch, I can’t sit in the same table with her I will just throw up on her.. I will tell mum if you dare try to invite her in, there’s a lot of things to tell mum when she gets back…can’t wait.. Zavi or Zaza, don’t care whatever your name is, Why can’t you be friend with people of your own kind, we aren’t in same league.. can’t you see is obvious.. I’m just tired of you every time trying to feel belong..mtchewww, leave my sister alone and face your work… that’s what your mum is paid to do. Clean our house and stop making yourself important by tagging… I know very soon you will start begging Gina to invite you to her birthday, that’s if you have not done that already…because I know your type.. mum is so going to deal with her if she ever does that…. You can’t come and spoil the party with your awful presence…

“Enough. Jane…you have already spoken more than your mouth…a girl of your age don’t say stuff like this…you sound so much like mum. And if you say another word to Zavi you will get it hot.. said Kendrick getting irritated over the sister behavior

Ken. You can’t do anything to me..none of you can do anything to I’m not scared of your threat, rather all of you should be scared because what I’m going to tell mum.. you know mum listen’s to me and she believes every word I say to her

So you and Gina can stoop so low and mingle with her, she has probably initiated Gina with her low life, don’t know why her old wretched mother is always sending her with the complain of back ach..if she can’t do the work why did she accept it at first…they have place where maid like her eat.. at the kitchen dining… if she is hungry. Because I know she is a glutton. She can ask the cook for some food and stay over there to eat… I’m not saying she shouldn’t eat o.. at your age you are in jss2..that’s a big shame, your dad is a bricklayer. Your younger sister just crawled out of primary.. and hasn’t enter secondary yet. That’s a big shame and I hard you telling Gina she is 12.. what a shame. Is either your father is a lazy man or Your entire family is cursed…and you shouldn’t be close to us.. Your family is a

“Kpaaaiiiiiiii! Zavi slapped her… you can insult me and say all manners of things to me but if you drag my family to it.. you will hate yourself.. we work in your house doesn’t mean we should be insulted by a small spoilt brat like you.. that don’t even know what life is talking about….

Jane screamed and their care taker came outside after seeing what was happening

‘Zavi.. is time for you to go. You shouldn’t have raise a hand on her.. just leave please. Zavi turn to leave the senior care taker and the security man walked her down the gate, the care taker asked the security to leave them as she stopped and started talking to her where nobody could hear them “you shouldn’t have slapped her. Do you want to get your parents into trouble, Whatever she says, You suppose to ignore her.. that girl have a tongue of fire like the mother…she does no respect for anybody but we have family to feed that’s why we ignore and focus on the work. Slapping her or saying anything bad will get us all into trouble.. she is just like her mum copy she doesn’t joke with her.. any kind of attack on the kids are taking serious here…you should know that…your mum has always told to stay away from them…especially Jane… even her sibling can’t touch her. You should know better Zavi.. Zavi do you want to get your mum sacked or your father locked up.. eeh?

“she insulted my entire family ma’ is painful to watch her do that…I couldn’t hold it any longer and she like doing that… we didn’t choose to be poor be like this most vof the money we make is going into my mum hospital bill… and Jane is always saying hurtful things..this is not the first time she will be saying such. All I do most time is to ignore..i couldn’t just stand and watch her say all the nonsense…whatever is the outcome…I’m not scared…maybe is just God’s will.. mum can’t do much because of her sickness..i will even quit school to support the family.. or even save money to learn work is far better off than working for heartless people without human feeling..

She started walking towards the gate while Jane was abusing her…”you are so dead…your entire family will be buried alive.. that your hand will be cut off just let my mum come back… idiot..

The securities walked her to the gate…knowing the kind of person Jane is they didn’t say anything to Jane..Zavi left without looking back…

There was a heavy knock on the door.. Startling her to the present. So she thought, she checked the time, it was already 10pm, she can’t believe she has been carried away in her own thought for that long, she was scared to rush to the door because of the recent arm robbery around the neighborhood.. she has planned to call the carpenter to create a hole on the door…to enable her see whoever that comes… but she has always procrastinate.. and anybody coming to visit must call on phone.. this is one of those time she dreaded being single. The windows are well closed.. if not that they are so high she could have jumped… she has read where people break into houses and unleash terror. Ones they know you are single lady living alone…she is always careful with people around.. and her door is firmly locked.. her suppose roommate has gotten married over a year leaving her alone.. Karena her sister is in school and she will be coming tomorrow and is been 10months she broke up with Dan over his constant abuse.. which she endured for two years before calling it quit.. she worked hard to pay the rent without a care to any man after she left Dan.. and he hasn’t come looking for her since she moved to this area is been five months now.. after threatening him with a police. He stayed off “ This is 10:21pm.. who could be knocking….I’m not expecting any visitor.. Karena will be visiting tomorrow not today…

There was a more heavy thud at the door that shake the whole building and some manly voices were murmuring.. fear grabbed her leg.. she quickly off the television and the lights. The darkness and the noise coming from the door was killing her already. Her whole-body was shaking…the darkness was swallowing her…she was screaming but no sound came out… the voices and the knocking continued she wanted to hide.. she ran to the room and surprisingly found it locked…she does not lock the room… the terror was building up so fast..she decided to at least get a weapon… the only weapon she has is a kitchen knives… what can that do to whatever that want to kill her. She tried to pray but can’t find the right word to say…she can’t even remember when last she prayed.. even if she tried to will God even listen… he doesn’t care much about somebody like her.. there is nobody to call, they say God is invisible maybe he will listen.. she muttered a few prayer… but her fear was louder than her voice she decided to find a place to hide then she suddenly heard a the kitchen door…somebody was locking it..she screamed louder but still no noise came out only her heart was pounding, now she can hear footstep coming from unknown direction… she wanted to end her own life because it has being a mess before somebody do that for her.. probably she forgot to lock the door…there is no way of escape… if her life did not end this night then maybe truly God cares…and she will devote more than she have ever done to him… she started making promises. But the footstep was already in the living room…close to where she was hiding.

To be continued



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