IS THIS LOVE – Episode 47

IS THIS LOVE – Episode 47

A story by Kennedy C Katongo

 

CHILESHE’S PROBLEM

Genuinely speaking I thought it would be romantic, but Nah. It turned out to be a horror movie with Lydia pushing me away from her and screaming, “I don’t want that!”

“Then what do you want from me?” I exclaimed. I got up from the bed and began walking around the room.

“I just came to see how you are doing…” Lydia added as she looked at me.

“Why? I don’t see any reason for you to come, and see how I’m doing. I told you am fine. No matter what happens, am okay, I will definitely take the heat.” I told her.

“Why are you doing this Chileshe?” She asked me.

“Am not doing anything. You need to accept that me and you can never walk the same path.” I told her.

“Can you stop moving around?” “We’ve always walked the same path. Nothing has changed.” She said as she took a deep breath. She had noticed that her voice had risen as she continued to speak.

“I don’t know what you want to hear from me, Lydia. You… Me… We can’t just be friends. That can never work. There will always be something pulling me to you and the same with you.” I told her. I began to count from ten descending to one. She kept a steady eye on me as I did that.

“What are you doing?” She asked me nervously. Lydia got up and help my hand, “stop! Talk to me” she demanded.

There was nothing to tell. Lydia knew pretty well what I was doing. Counting backwards was something I did when I felt like panicking. It helped me calm down. At other times, I would take a few deep breaths just to calm myself down.

@@ LYDIA’S BACK STORY @@

“Hi… Come in, please. You must be Lydia.” A short lady said as she walked me into her office.

“You are free to take a seat. My name is Joy. We spoke on the phone.” She added. She had a smile on her face that was hard to miss. At least that helped me not to be tense.

“Thank you very much,” I responded as I sat down.

She asked me a few questions about myself as she sat down with a notepad writing down what I said.

“The thing is… Am not here for me. I just want to ask you something regarding a friend of mine. I was told that you were the best person to talk to when I was at UTH.” I told her.

“I remember you said something in those lines on the phone when we spoke. Sure, please go ahead.” She said.

“I have this friend of mine, he experiences panic attacks. From the time I’ve known him till now _ they have become bad. It’s like he becomes a whole different person. I want to help him but I don’t know where to even start from.” I told Joy.

Joy seemed attentive when I spoke. This time around she wasn’t writing anything on her notepad.

“Is this man your boyfriend?” She asked me.

“Huh! Oh! no. He’s just a good friend of mine.” I giggled.

“That smile says there is more than just good friendship between you two.” Joy said with a smile.

“The thing is we both like each other. Yet, for some reason, we aren’t dating.” I laughed. I knew it sounded silly.

“It’s okay. Don’t be embarrassed. Whatever we talk about here remains between the two of us. I’ve heard worse things in the 5yrs that I’ve been doing this job.” She said.

.

.

.

“Does this friend of yours take caffeine, nicotine, alcohol or any recreational drugs?” She asked me.

“I’ve never seen him drink. He’s told me that his drunk alcohol before but it’s not something he enjoys doing.” I told her thoughtfully.

“Okay. So, a panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause. Panic attacks can be very frightening. For those who don’t know what it is, when they panic; one might think they’re losing control, having a heart attack or even dying.” Joy said as she explained to me.

“That makes sense. Of all the times I’ve been with him and that happens, he doesn’t want to be touched. I mean, his body is literally shaking, and there is a strong look of fear in his eye.” I told her.

“You seem to really pay attention to him?” She said warmly.

Joy went on to say what she has witnessed over the years and gave me other signs of one who is having a panic attack.

“These attacks can come from fear of loss of control, others it’s death, low self-esteem which is the trigger for most that I’ve met. A person will present with things like Rapid pounding heart rate, Sweating, Trembling or shaking, Shortness of breath, dizziness, lightheadedness or faintness.” She said.

Just then I remembered what happened at the company party moments after I had spoken to him. Chef, who was present explains that “Chileshe just zoned out, and he fainted just like that.”

In other words, he was already panicking before he reached where they were all seated.

“Is everything okay?” She asked me.

“Yes, I am. So what can I do to help him?” I asked her.

“Getting regular sleep and exercise, and practising relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, counting backwards, and yoga may also help. At times just talk to him, make him feel comfortable around you and open enough for him to open up.” Joy told me.

@@ @@ @@ @@

“Here…” She said as she handed me a glass of water. At this point I didn’t care what triggered the attack, I just wanted to calm down.

“Please sit down Chileshe.” She asked.

“Don’t tell me what to do. Don’t tell me to sit down.” I protested while I sat down. I know, it’s weird. I was surprised that this time around she knew what to do and what not to do.

We sat on the bedside by side without saying a word to each other. With time, my body was back to normal, and she was still there. Not on her phone, just there looking at me. Once she noticed that I wasn’t panicking anymore, she gently made me lay down on her thighs.

We say in that position for I don’t know how many minutes, but I know it was more than an hour.

@@ @@ MATIMBA @@ @@

After placing a packet of sausage in water to defrost. I got my phone and called Chileshe. His phone kept ringing and ringing.

I kept trying his line until it stopped going through.

“sh*t!” I exclaimed.

“Hey… Watch your mouth.” My cousin’s voice echoed from behind.

“F**k! You bloody scared me.” I shouted.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked me.

“It’s nothing,” I told her.

“This doesn’t look like nothing baby. What’s the problem?” She asked me?

I knew there was no way she was going to let it pass. Especially that she had heard me curse more than once in a matter of seconds which wasn’t something I did.

 

To be continued…