Angel Of Mine – Episode 32

Angel of mine

By Amanda Mofiat

Episode 32

ONE YEAR LATER

‘Emily, where have you been?’

‘Oh please mum, enough of the drama.’

I was getting sick and tired of her. Why couldn’t she just die already? My mother had moved in with me. Let me take you back a year ago when I tried to ki*ll myself and my mother happened to have saved my life.

‘Are you insane?’ she had asked me.

How could she possible ask me that stupid question? She was the main reason why I was trying to commit suicide. She made me lose my husband and all we had built together was now the past.

‘I hate you mum,’ I had said to her, ‘I blame you for everything.’

She had me talk to a therapist but that didn’t help me at all because I still tried to commit suicide and about the divorce papers, I actually signed the damn papers. I don’t know how but I just wanted to at least find peace.it wasn’t that easy for me to sign them; I actually signed them 3 months after Jamal had left the country. Speaking about Jamal, I never got to see him again and I have no idea where he is right now, I don’t know if he is happy without me. I had tried to stalk him on social media but he hasn’t been posting anything. Tiffany finally got married and we are no longer friends. Why would I continue being friends with someone who made me lose my marriage? If I hadn’t listened to her then I am sure right now I would have been at home with Jamal and getting along very well with my mother-in law. The past few months, they hadn’t been so polite with me. I had several people scolding me, some calling me names. Apparently I was the daughter-in law who tried to ki*ll her husband’s mother; Tiffany had finally succeeded in destroying my reputation. None of the investors wanted to work with me; I was a recipe for disaster as they would call it. A story had leaked and I was all over social media. Right now I had been trying so hard to gain my image back, my good reputation but it has been really hard and I was almost broke.

‘I was out with some friends,’ I responded to her.

If it wasn’t for my brother who believed in me, who still felt as if there was something good about me I would have killed my own mother. The mere sight of her makes me puke; she wasn’t even there for me when I was going through the divorce process. Do you know who came over to comfort me? My brother’s fiancée, the girl that I used to treat so badly, used to come over to my house. She used to cook for me and made sure that I was eating something. She made my house look clean and I was so ashamed of myself. With the way I had treated her, I didn’t deserve that good treatment coming from her. If only I hadn’t been so selfish and heartless. If only I had respected my mother-in law and loved her like she was my own biological mother then right now I would be telling a happily ever story. I should have listened to a lot of people and what I have left with are so many regrets. I am lonely, unhappy, and sad and nothing seems to be making me happy. I am just waiting for the day that I die so that I can rest in peace.

I just want her to feel better but the honest truth, I had started taking drugs just to feel better about everything. She had no idea of what was happening to me. She had no idea that I was taking sleeping pills so that I can sleep. She had no idea that I used to cry to sleep. She had no idea that I was depressed, that I had fall into a depression. She had no idea because my dear mother was busy trying to keep her good reputation intact. Sometimes I would get sick, late at night but she wasn’t there to take care of me. That’s when I realized how much Jamal’s mother loved me. When she used to cook for me when I was hungry, she used to clean the house; she just used to do everything for me whenever I wasn’t feeling well or when I was feeling fine. I don’t know how many times my mother had slapped me since I broke up with Jamal. I guess my slaps were slowly coming back to me. The way I used to slap Jamal’s mother, Lord I feel so bad right now. I don’t know what had gotten into me. Now that I regret all of those bad things that I had done to her, I really wish I had just loved her back. I really wished I had respected her in a way that Jamal felt proud of me but instead I tried to ki*ll her. If only there was a second chance right now, if only Jamal would forgive me then I would love his mother.

I would wake up early in the morning to cook, I would clean the whole house, I would do everything just to please my husband but stupid me had to do things in her own way.

‘I am talking to you,’ she slaps me on my cheek.

I quickly wipe away the tears that had fallen already, I had been thinking, I had drifted off to another land and coming back to reality, waking up from my reverie, I am in the room with my mother. She now treats me as if I am her step-daughter. There is no longer a bond between us as she keeps on blaming me for my failed marriage. She is the one who made me lose that marriage but no she blames me for everything. She had the audacity to compare me with Tiffany,

‘See your life. Tiffany is so happy with her husband and she gets along very well with her mother-in law.’

I have suddenly become a bad child to her. The only person who cares about me right now is my brother and his fiancée. They often visit me sometimes and every time they leave my house, I am always left in tears. I often find myself thinking about Jamal and if he is missing me. I keep thinking about the good times that we shared together, I keep thinking about so many things and I really wish I had not done what I did.

‘I am going back tomorrow.’

I know what she means by that, she is going back abroad and I don’t know why she is telling me that. I mean ever since she moved in with me, I hadn’t considered her to be around. She wasn’t supportive and she wasn’t even showing me some love. Even if she leaves tonight or tomorrow it doesn’t make any difference. Maybe I just need to be alone, I need to be by myself and think of so many things. I am not planning on taking my life because I have to ask for forgiveness. I have to see Jamal and talk to him.

‘Alright,’ I said getting up.

I want to go and lie down because it’s been a long day for me.

‘Emily.’

‘Yes, mum.’

‘Please try not to ki*ll yourself. Move on already. They are plenty of men out there.’

If only she knew how much I loved Jamal then she wouldn’t have said that. They must have been plenty of men out there but they will never be Jamal and his mother. Do you know how many stories of mother-in laws I have heard that treat their son’s wives so badly? Plenty of them but I was so lucky, so lucky that I wish I had hold on to that. I will never find any men to marry me because I won’t be able to give him children. Yes that was my punishment for mistreating that woman; I was never going to conceive again. I literally damaged my own womb. No one did it for me but I did it on my own. So mum wasn’t supposed to say that, she wasn’t supposed to tell me about finding another man because I didn’t need one.

‘Okay,’ I said to her and walked straight to my room.

I opened the door to my room and locked it. I hadn’t eaten anything since morning and I didn’t have any appetite. I was going to eat but I had no idea when. I grabbed Jamal’s t shirt that he left for me. I don’t know if he left it by mistake or what but I sniffed it and I could feel his presence in the room. I had missed Jamal, I had missed his voice and every time I missed his voice, I used to listen to some of his voice notes that he used to send when he was at work. I had transferred them to my laptop, thank goodness that happened before my grandmother destroyed my phone. Grandmother used to call from time to time, she used to check up on me afraid that I might try to commit suicide but I had told her that was not going to happen.

As usual, I took some sleeping pills and that night I decided to overdose. I just wanted to sleep and not feel any pain at all. When I woke up the next following day, I was in a hospital and my brother was sitting on the chair.

‘She is awake,’ I heard him say.

My mother walked to my bed and she slapped me hard on the cheek.

‘Mum!’ shouted Ernest.

Oh no tears didn’t come out, my cheeks had gotten used to that pain. She was about to slap me again when Ernest caught her hand.

‘You should let me beat her up.’

‘Enough already, can’t you see the state she is in,’ said Ernest.

‘Is she the first woman to get a divorce? Huh. I am sick and tired of her trying to take her own life. We should just give her one of those pills she used to give her mother-in law and let her swallow them all. I am tired of you Emily. Die already if you want to die,’ she clicked her tongue and walked out of the room.

That’s when I broke down and cried. My brother was there to comfort me.

‘I wasn’t trying to commit suicide Ernest. I just wanted to fall asleep and have a good night sleep. I took 2 of those pills and that’s why I had blacked out.’

‘I know those pills are very strong Emily. You shouldn’t overdose and you are already addicted to them. I have seen..You are taking drugs, I saw the injections marks. Emily why are you doing this to yourself?’

‘It hurts so badly Ernest. I miss him a lot, I miss my Jamal. I miss him…,’ I said crying out loud.

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Amy