Opana - The Coffin Maker

Opana – Episode 14

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Opana – Episode 14

© Akoto Alexander

As Opana got to the church his walking had changed because of the alcohol intake and he couldn’t even stand on his feet very well. The usher who was close by received Opana beautifully and gave him a seat close to the window so that the fuse coming from his mouth will be blown away by the wind.

Usher: Sir please looking at your condition now please take a seat close to the window so that you can get fresh air.

Opana: Where is my wife sitting because I wanted to join her wherever she is sitting.

Usher: Mmmm sir please your wife is an executive of the women’s fellowship so she sitting with her group members.

Opana: I see your mind young lady, you don’t like me and I equally don’t like you too. I know what to do so don’t worry, since you said I should sit here I will peacefully sit here but the pastor will here about your conduct towards me.

Some few minutes later it was offering time and the praises team led the congregation to do that, the ushers directed the members on how they will go about things, Opana followed some people to the front of the church to give his offering and as he was done he went back to his seat. Later the session clerk mounted the podium and Opana went out to urinate since the beer he took was manifesting in his system and it was in the washroom where he realised he had made a big mistake. He got to know that the five cedis (1cedi notes) he intended to give out as offering was nicely folded in his left pocket and the last two hundred and fifty cedis(50cedis notes) was no longer in his right pocket. He started sweating all of a sudden and the alcohol in his system started clearing form his eyes immediately, his mind took a quick flashback tour and he quickly saw where the money was. Oh no!!! How could I be that careless to drop the two hundred and fifty cedis into the offering bowl instead of the five cedis I budgeted for, I have to go and get my money back before is too late. Opana goes back to the church and walks straight to the pulpit to confront the session clerk.

Opana: Excuse me sir but there is a big mistake I did which am here to rectify it.

Session Clerk: (puts the microphone off) Sir please if there is a mistake or problem kindly wait for me to be done with my announcement so that I help you solve it.

Opana: No my brother this can’t wait, it is a serious matter which requires the needed agency so please give me the attention I want now.

Pastor: (seeing what is going on makes a move to Opana and the clerk) Hello my brother please is there a problem? Please tone down your voice so we solve this issue amicably.

Opana: Pastor there is a big and serious problem over here. When leaving the house to church this morning I planned on how I was going to do my spending over here and my intention was to give an offering of five Ghana cedis which is five 1Ghana cedi notes which was in my left pocket but unfortunately as we were asked to come forward and give the offering I mistakenly dipped my hand in the right pocket and took the last two hundred and fifty cedis which was five 50cedis note out and dropped it into the offering bowl. I just realised my mistake so I came for you to give me back the money so you take the five Ghana cedis rather.

Pastor: Hmmmm my brother in Christ what you are requesting for can’t be possible, you see monies that comes to the house of the Lord doesn’t go back even if what you are saying is true.

Opana: (raising his voice) This is nonsense, preposterous and catastrophic, how can you tell me this and what do you expect my family to eat this evening with the money in your custody. You better say something reasonable here before I start dirtying myself here and now, let me first sound this caution to you people that I don’t respect myself a single bit and if you dont treat this matter in a respectable and professional way erh, this place will not be big enough to contain us.

Akua Yankey: (seeing what is going on makes a move to her husband) My dear please tone down your voice and tell me what the problem is because you are creating a scene here in the church.

Opana: Nonsense!!! You better stay out of this before I channel my anger on you. You call me trying to retrieve my money a scene? Wait and see what will happen here if I don’t get my money.

Pastor: My brother please come down for we are in the house of the Lord and in the house of the Lord there is peace, harmony, love and order so kindly calm down so we get to the bottom of this issue.

Opana: If there is peace, love, harmony and order as you say, then please let me have my money and go to my house in peace for you to continue with your order of service. I don’t want to be seen as a trouble maker because am a law abiding citizen.

Pastor: How sure are you that, you even dropped that money in question into the offering bowl and not somewhere else?

Opana: Excuse me sir? What are you trying to insinuate? Do you see me to be a good digger or what? Go to where the money has been placed and check through it if you won’t see five 50cedis note folded together in the offering bowl. Please don’t make this simple matter any big issue for people to see me differently because that money in there has some important things to do.

Pastor: My brother as I said earlier on said to you that in the house of the Lord, monies that comes here don’t go back to the owner again. This could be a covenant between you and God for him to elevate you higher and open closed doors for you. This could be a blessing in disguise so hold your faith and trust in the Lord.

Opana: What do you mean pastor? Do I have to enter to an unplanned covenant with God before he opens closed doors for me? Are you not aware that doing good or giving something that doesn’t come from your heart to God is a sin and rather brings curses upon your life? The bible even makes it clear that heaven suffers violent and if I try to use a matured means of dialogue to retrieve my money and it fails, I will use force then. Am a very f****** and silly man inside so please respect yourself and get my money for me before I start doing my rough things here.

Akua Yankey: My love you are embarassing me and the children here, please stop this and let us go home.

Opana: I will slap you if you don’t keep quite and stay out of this matter. All this negative things that is happening today am holding you responsible for it, I failed to read the signs that came before me this morning when that foolish boy splashed the muddy water on me. I was supposed to stay home without even moving out of the house to any place. Now pastor for the last time I will urge you to take my simple plea and release my money for me quitely or else you will see the very bad side of me which you will not like.

The church auditorium had by now been thrown into a frenzy mood where some people had started gossiping whiles others were murmuring. Michael and Bernice who were feeling embarrassed at that moment joined their mum to confront their dad so they persuade him from creating any further scene in the church auditorium.

Michael : Papa can you please calm down a bit, look at the number of people around that you are doing this, we can solve this matter quitely without stepping on any toes or making noise.

Pastor: God bless you my son for your wise counsel but the truth is that, the money is with the Lord now and we can’t do anything about it now to get the money back.

Opana: Thunder fire you there pastor, where and when did God come in to take the money the members of this church just contributed? Is God a bank or an accountant that he now keeps money that is raised in the church. You see the evil ways of man? Have you people thought of the reason why the church is not opened 24hours and the police station is always opened 24/7, the place that we christians will run for refuge has now rather turned into a place of deceipt and evil doing and for me, I won’t stand for my fellow man to cheat me. If I don’t get my money now, hell will break lose right away.

Meanwhile Agnes Kyerwaa has also made a call to someone and she is about to meet the person, I know her plan is diabolic but who could this person be?

At the Meeting Joint:

Unknown Person: My goodness!!! What happened to your pretty face Aggie.

Agnes Kyerewaa: Thanks for meeting me even at this short notice my guy. I will go straight to the point so I don’t waste your time, I want you and your boys to deal with someone for me. That stupid person is the one who has caused damage to my face for no just reason.

Unknown Person: You haven’t answered my question my sweet potato?

Agnes Kyerewaa: I was assaulted by some foolish guy in the house I stay, he is actually the landlord’s son.

Unknown Person: Is he mad? Did he smoke the s*** of a wee smoker? Doesn’t he know the battalion you have behind you? Doesn’t he know the people you roll with? Doesn’t he know the family you come from? Doesnt he want to live long on this earth? Even if no one is willing to fight for you, I alone will stand and fight for you to the very last drop of my blood. I will pill this guy’s skin off his body for him to know who he has messed up with, I will pluck his eyeballs from it’s socket and mash his balls with my bare hands.

Agnes Kyerewaa: I trust you and I know what you can do. I initially reported the case to my uncle the police commander and he immediately sent his boys to arrest him but within a little time he was released because my uncle claim a call came from above so he had to release him or else he was going to lose his job.

Unknown Person: Then he is really connected but all the same I don’t work under anyone so don’t worry my darling. You have a case to pursue and am going to lead the battalion for this diabolic mission. Do you want him dead or you want him to be confined in a wheelchair all his miserable life or you want him dead?

Agnes Kyerewaa: Mmmm I haven’t thought of that yet but hmmmm…….

Unknown Person: Is there any problem again?

Meanwhile tension in the church had also gone up because of the way Opana was screaming in the church and the service had been thrown into a moment of disarray and pandemonium. Some were in support of him whiles others thought he was over reacting and that even if what he was saying is true he could he left everything in the hands of God.

Session Clerk: So what are you going to achieve with what you are doing over here? Why don’t you take your time so we find a solution to your problem sir.

Pastor: Mr Session Clerk don’t even go there because none of us here can go back to the office and take a cedi out of the money so Mr please understand what am telling you and God will bless you.

Opana: Today I have come to understand what people say about Christians being wicked is very true. I mistakenly dropped the money my family is going to depend on for the days ahead and you a man of God is standing right infront of me telling me to leave it to God who is resting somewhere in heaven that I should forget it and use it as a covenant between I and God. If I may ask how much offering did you give yourself as a man of God, say it for everybody here to hear and make sure you don’t lie because you are standing in the house of God.

Pastor: I don’t need to tell anyone here the money I used as offering to God. It is a great sin to disclose the content of things you for God and the bible says we shouldn’t allow our left hand to see the things the right hand does.

Opana: You see your life man of God, you people wear this clerical to deceive people who want to know and serve God better. Today this is how heaven is going to suffer violence in this church auditorium.

Opana uses force to enter the office where the offering money was been counted and as he entered he went to the table the money was been counted and immediately saw his money nicely folded together in the money, he picks the money and shows it to the people that he only came for his money and after, he dropped the 1Ghana cedi notes on the table and tells the people counting the money that here is his planned offering for the day. The pastor and the clerk who followed him into the office watched him like he just rose from the dead and when he passed by them he made a funny comment.

Opana: As you can see I have taken my own money and placed my intended offering into what they are counting. If you don’t like my money too you can tell me so I go back for that money too. You wanted my family and I to starve this evening but I say to you that the devil is a liar and a failure, all he planned didn’t work out as you plan and for your information am taking a very long leave for myself in this church.

Pastor: Am afraid to even let you add your money to the church offering, who knows what you will do next?

Opana: Oh so my money is now bomb erh? Hey young lady get me my money so I leave this place. I can do something meaninful with this money later.

Opana walks out of the auditorium insulting the church leaders for been greedy and inconsiderable. On his way going home he met a beggar on the way who pleaded for him to help him with something small so he can buy food with it.

Beggar: Please sir am very hungry, can you please help me with something small to buy kenkey, even if no fish I will eat it just like that. I haven’t eaten any food since yesterday morning and am feeling very weak inside out. Am begging you sir

Opana: (feeling reluctant but gives in) Hmmm how sure am I that when I give you this money you will truly use it for the purpose you are begging for. I don’t have much on me but there is this money that the church rejected, I know it’s not enough but manage it. (hands over the 1cedi notes to the beggar)

Beggar: Thank you very much sir, amongst the numerous people I met and pleaded with, no one gave me a pesewa but for you, you have given me more than enough. I don’t know how to thank you enough but my God will bless you abundantly and make you and your descendants great and strong.

Opana: Amen!!! I receive it in the mighty name of God. May God be with you. (walks away from the beggar)

Beggar: Mmmm please sir, wait a little while for me to ask you something.

Opana: (whispering to himself) Hope you are not coming to demand for anything extra?

Beggar: Well the truth is that I want to ask for a favour from you but first I want to ask if you believe in God?

Opana: Yes I do believe in God as the one true God who has the whole world in his hands.

Beggar: That is very good, I have something for you but there are some rules and regulations guiding it. You have been good to me so I also want to reciprocate and also make you a very successful man, but I must emphasise on this that until the day you make a move towards my instruction is over, you don’t have to be angry or rude towards anyone or else you will lose everything you stand the chance of gaining to the person you were rude to. Here take this chain with this cross locket, when you are going to sleep in the evening put it under your pillow and when you wake up give it to the person you want him or her to excel in life like the riches person in this country. Anything you see in your dream or when you wake up, invest all the money you have on you that day in it and please don’t forget my instructions because if you do then you are to blame yourself.

Opana: Thank you very much, I will go by you rules and regulations. This is the best gift a stranger has ever given to me. Thank you very much.

The beggar leaves Opana’s sight and he also proceeds to his house, when he got home the first thing he did was to check if the bicycle he seized was safe at the place he locked it and when he was convinced that the bicycle was safe he went inside his room to take a nap. His family came back to the house but no one dared to raise the issue of the unhealthy event that took place in the church auditorium that morning in the house. Akua Yankey and her children put together their efforts and before 5pm supper was ready, Opana was called from his sleep to come and enjoy his favourite Sunday fufu with bush meat but as he was enjoying his supper a heavy knock came through the front door of his house. When Kwaku Mike went to check who was there, you won’t believe who was standing out there with an angry face and mood………

*Do you want to predict the person who was standing there?

*Did Opana do the right thing at the church earlier on?

*Can Opana play by the rules of the beggar?

To be continued


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