REALITY OF PERFECTION
For a second I thought he was joking but the tears in his eyes.
“How did it happen?” I asked. When I calmed down. Even though I was about to murder him.
“we went out for a couple of drinks, one thing lead to another. Babe I swear God knows how much I love you.” He said.
“Do not use God’s name in vain, you are the reason why we call men dogs because of your infidelity and stupidity.” I said.
I walked back in cause I didn’t want the neighbours to start watching.
“look! yes am wrong but please I need you.” he said.
I laughed so hard that tears started coming out like it was raining in my eyes. I felt like I didn’t have a heart, I felt like my world has come to an end.
He tried touching me but I ended up slapping him so hard that he became so confused.
“I love you Dalitso _ so much. I sacrificed my pride because I wanted to be with you and show you how much I loved you. I was here being faithful but my lovely boyfriend was having the time of his life.” I said.
“look we can sort it out, I won’t be with her I just want you.” he said.
“who is this girl, what moves did she make that confused you to not wear a condom?” I asked.
“you heard me _ don’t huh me. who is she?” I said.
“my ex.” he said.
I took a deep breath and looked at him.
“The one you said you didn’t love or it’s another ex?” I asked.
“The same one.” he said.
“I need you to leave now, I don’t want to see you ever in my life.” I said.
“Babe, you don’t mean that, look, I will do anything in my power to make you happy again.” he said.
“What power huh? leave! ” I yelled.
He got his car keys and left.
I have never cried like this before, the only time I cried like this was the time I lost my father. Dalitso has really hurt me so bad, I felt like those vampires in the originals; a dagger was stubbed in their hearts. I spent the whole night crying. In the morning I didn’t even have strength to go for work, I called in sick. In the afternoon, I took a bath and I called Maria to come to Kafue.
I packed all my things, I left the things Dalitso got . Maria came with a small truck, we packed everything and we left.
I didn’t know were I was going but I needed to be far from him.
I left the things I couldn’t get at the moment with Maria and the rest I sent them to Kitwe.
Mum was very happy to see me. I ended up crying like a baby. The couple of days I wanted to figure it out what I will do with my life. I first changed my number even though it was going to be the hardest thing ever for me.
I blocked him everywhere, I sent my resignation letter to the company even though my sister was against it.
“don’t you think you are hurting that’s why you are doing this?” she asked.
“Bana Mapalo you wanted me home… now am home.” I said.
“It’s not like that Cathy, you loved the guy and you still do but why don’t you hear him out maybe it was a mistake.” she defended him.
I walked away. what mistake?
I got an email that my resignation letter was denied.
How is that possible.
I got my phone and called Mr Mubanga.
CATHY: Hello _
MR MUBANGA: Hello speaking please.
CATHY: Mr Mubanga this is miss Chali, I wanted to find out why my resignation letter was declined , it’s not an ATM that can be declined.
MR MUBANGA: Mr Banda said you should bring it in person.
CATHY: Tell Mr Banda that I already found another job and coming that side ain’t possible.
I hung up.
The next morning I started job hunting and it wasn’t pretty you guys, I would go in town at 8 – 16 just searching for a job Going office to office.
“Am tired.” I told my mum.
“I don’t know why you even stopped work in Lusaka.” she said.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said.
My phone rung and picked it up
MIKE: Hey Cathy this is mike –
CATHY: Hey you how are you –
MIKE: Am great ,how are you?, baby girl can we meet we talk some –
CATHY: Am not in Lusaka and talk about what, if It’s your friend am not interested –
MIKE: Look Cathy hear the guy out ,he is sorry he is sick please Cathy ,look I promise if you hear him out I will never bother you again –
CATHY: My battery is about to die –
MIKE: Cathy please – he begged.
I hung up.
People don’t get it, do they? when someone hurts you leave them. being cheated on is the worst feeling ever. I know to some it’s normal but to others it’s devastating and I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. No wonder some men are called dogs am not saying all men, no, “Some men” they called dogs for a reason.
If I tell you how hurt I am right now you wouldn’t believe it, sleeping was the hardest thing especially if I look at our photos together and one would ask why don’t you delete them, as if it’s easy. If I delete them it means am taking away my life.
If I was told that heartbreaks hurt I wouldn’t have gone to South Africa, I would have stayed with my baby here. We would have been Here cuddling or playing cards like she likes.
My heart felt heavy I don’t know if it makes sense… she sent her resignation letter a week ago and I couldn’t accept it. I looked for her everywhere the family lived but she wasn’t there. I think she told me now i was just in love that I couldn’t hear what she said,veven her close friend didn’t have an idea.
“What did she say?” I asked Mike. he took a seat and shook his head.
“Man I think give her space, you guys are both hurting. Just give each other space you will see that you will be fine and she will be able to come back to you, look, she is hurt and she is trying to process everything , if she gets back to you than she loves you or she just wants revenge. you know how when you get on a woman and the minute you cheat on her she will try and hurt you back, but I don’t know what Cathy is thinking right now.” he said.
I agreed with mike if Cathy and I got back together, it’s a two way thing and I don’t want her to be back with me because she wanted me to feel what she felt.Two months passed my life was just not the same without Cathy.
I became depressed, I would play Abel chungu’s song Mwamuna Samalila and I just cried, I know am suppose to be strong I put myself in this situation, I didn’t ask anyone to take me to that place. I didn’t ask anyone to buy me drinks, if I told you I was thinking about Cathy when I was kissing Lisa I would lie, I wasnt thinking, I think if I was thinking about Cathy I wouldn’t have done what I did. Lisa on the other hand would send me pics of her growing tummy and pics of my baby girl, we were having a girl by the way.
I would go to work but my mind was all over the place. I decided to take a leave and rest… I needed to find myself again, I needed help with healing.
We traveled, I mean we drove to Kitwe when my private investigator told me he saw her in Kitwe, okay when I said I will give her space I lied.
We went to her mother’s place, she explained how Cathy escorted her elder sister to Congo for a funeral. The husband’s father died.
I asked her if at all she would call me when she got back, I really needed to talk to Cathy.
The mother promised that she will let me know. We left something for her even though she refused to take the money but I insisted.
We decided to spend a night in Kitwe, though I just slept. Mike decided to go clubbing; clubbing is the reason why we are here today, so I just remained in the hotel room.
I got my phone and started watching some videos we used to make with Cathy, her laughter melted my heart, sometimes I felt I was obsessed with her, was I? Or it was love just? Anyway I didn’t get it.
I played Abel chungu’s song again and it took me back when I was growing up, when I would hurt myself mum would tell me men don’t cry. Even when my elder sister would beat me mum or dad would tell me not to cry ,but this pain really hurt like crazy.
I don’t even know what time Mike came in. he just woke me up that it was almost check out time. I got up showered and passed by Hungry Lion got some food even though I wasn’t hungry. I forced myself to eat Mike would give me a had time. We reached Lusaka around 18:40 PM and I dropped off Mike and went straight home.
I tried working but I couldn’t,
I got a pic of Her and me, I uploaded it on Facebook _ I used to post Cathy but not her face, just her feet, us holding hands or the back of her head but I wanted the world to know the woman who stole my heart.
Caption: “to my woman my everything , I love you babe , I can’t believe I have loved you for 18 hood years without even doubting what I felt , it’s crazy how most people thought it was an obsession I even thought the same but when you said yes to being mine I knew what I felt was true love, I know people will say true love doesn’t exist but to me it does cause you are my one true love, the happiness you brought to my life is unexplainable, I was always looking forward waking up to seeing your face, I really miss you Babe please come back . I love you my Cathy bug.”
I uploaded and logged off.
I had to work wether I like it or not I just had to work.
I started working and just forgot about the world abit, when I checked the time it was almost midnight, how come I didn’t feel hungry, I went to the kitchen and got some leftover food. I ate and called it a night.
When I woke up it was 6:50 AM. I had a meeting in Lusaka and I had to go to Kafue.
When I got to the office all eyes were on me and I knew why because of the picture.
“Are you going to stare at me all day or you will start working, money will not make itself and you expect to receive your salaries at the end of the month.” I said.
They all went back to work.
We went for the meeting and we were done by 10AM and I left for Kafue.
We started the meeting when I got there and after that I went home. I needed to go to Kabwe to see how the company that side was coping.
When Mrs Banda saw what her son posted on Facebook she knew he was hurting. She got on the next available flight and came to Zambia, she became worried. when Dalitso loves someone he falls into depression easily when things break. His mother got in Lusaka very late when she reached Dalitso’s place. she saw him through the window even though Dalitso wasn’t her last born she treated him like one.
She got in and he was surprised to see his mother.
He got up and hugged her even though he was shocked.
“How are you my baby?” she asked as she took a seat.
“Am fine mum but what are you doing here?” he asked.
“Dalitso mwana wanga (my child) you ain’t okay, what is going on my baby? look at you _ you have lost weight, you look different.” she commented.
“Am good mum.” he said. fighting tears.
She got up and hugged him, she told him to let it out. For the first time his mother let him cry, she didn’t tell him to be strong, sometimes all you need is to cry.
Mrs Banda refused to go back till her son was back on her feet. Even though sometimes he would pretend to eat.
He would go to work and found his mother had prepared food for him to eat, in no time he was becoming better but he wouldn’t go to sleep without talking to a picture of Cathy, he wouldn’t go to sleep without searching for her Facebook account. He checked his previous pic he uploaded and it had 1.1k likes and 2k comments. How could he reply to all those comments, he liked each one of those .
“You should come for the chilanga mulilo man, he is also your friend .” Mike said.
“Come on man, just coming there to eat nshima.” I laughed.
“What do you know?” he mocked me.
“Why is it important , William will understand if I don’t show up.” I said.
“Dalitso, William has been our friend for a long time just come.” he said.
“Fine, am on my way.” I said.
WRITTEN BY: DORICA MANDA