Hidden Dream – Episode 23
A Story By Tisa Phiri
“Aunty Nelly I don’t know if I should be doing this. Honestly I feel like am betraying Angela. Am hating the fact that am feeling comfortable being around Annie. She’s nice and all but am guilty. I don’t want to forget Angela and somehow am thinking if I come close to anyone else I will forget her.” I complained.
She held my hand and made me sit down in my bed.
” My son, you know what I think?” She asked calmly and I shook my head.
” I think you will never forget Angela, she was your first love and she had a great impact on your life. The fact that you are thinking about her right now is evident.
You are not going to stop trying to be with another woman just because she died? It has happened and I know no one can change that. If you trully feel you like this girl you have to give yourself a chance with her. Am sure Angela will be happy to see you happy again. ”
I sighed looking at her.
” am afraid Aunty. I don’t know if this is right…”
She continued telling me how I should try moving on.
It was the second month I was in the country. I had to stay longer as my parents insisted we celebrate Blessing’s 5th birthday before I took her.
Aunty Nelly had agreed to go to Paris with me even though she was worried about the issue of going that far.
I had been meeting with Annie and communicating on phone during the period.
” Daddy!” I heard Blessings calling me.
” yes baby, what’s going on? Why are you running around like that? ” I asked her walking towards her.
” Aunty Tracy is here! ” She said excitedly.
” she is? ” I smiled holding her hand.
” yes she brought me this ” she said showing me a babie doll.
” Wow, it’s so nice” I exclaimed looking up as Tracy stood before us. .
She looked good I would agree in her pencil dress. Her smile as elegant as I could last remember it.
Tracy and I had been communicating here and there and I was okey with the fact that she stopped pushing me into a relationship with her. She was much calmer and talked less and I wondered what was happening with her.
Aunty Nelly who clearly didn’t like Tracy told me she was trying to eminate Angela wanting me to believe she was the right person to replace her.
Unfortunately for Her, the only thing I felt for her was the kind of thing for friends nothing more. And I had decided to make it clear so that she doesnt get her hopes up.
I recall John told me that Tracy told him that I was her first love and she really hoped I would love her back. ” oh am sorry she feels that way man, but you know I cannot force my heart to feel for her what is not there. She’s just a friend and I care for her so much but I can’t force myself to love her” I had explained to him.
” hey baby’s daddy!” She smiled bringing me back to the present.
” Hey!” I sighed pulling her into a quick hug.
” thanks for the doll you got for Blessings she really likes it” I told her as we walked out to the veranda.
” it’s nothing I just like the girl, so what’s up you still around ?” She asked changing the subject.
” yeah the birthday party for Blessings is in 2 weeks time and my parents really want us to wait till them. I guess am still around” I shrugged casually.
“So what’s going on with you. I heard you completed your course?”
” yeah was graduating last month and am just looking around for a job. ” She chuckled
” that’s great. We all made it in our own ways after all Right” I let a laugh.
” Yeah, we did. Can you imagine? Who would have known that Jay the hot guy would make it this big” she laughed.
” yeah I know, I wasn’t the most intelligent pupil but am glad God saw me through. Am really happy with what I have achieved. It’s not like am boasting but you know, as it is I am the richest guy of all my friends. Thats something I never saw coming” I said giggling.
She smiled and held my hand, ” am proud of you and am sure Angela is. We are all still struggling despite being bright and all that. But here you are. Doing so great”
“Thanks Tracy. So what’s up with you and Oswald I heard you guys picked something up?” I asked her and saw her withdraw her hand quickly.
” I don’t want to talk about that Jay, I love you and not him so I bet things aren’t that great between us. But unfortunately I heard you seeing someone else again. I bet am always late huh?” She frowned sadly.
” look here Tracy” I looked at her.
” I know you might have feelings for me but I dont feel the same. Please try to move on with your life. And about seeing someone I would not really call it that. I mean…”
” Don’t lie to me Jay, I heard you go out with her for dinner, you invite her over here and let her alone with your daughter. I heard she’ s beautiful and very charming too.” She listed out.
I smiled looking away not wanting her to get hurt.
” I like Annie a lot yes but there’s nothing formal between us. I dont think I should be moving on quite soon. Besides why rush Right?”
She went on with her talking and complaining but I had to stand my ground.
We were still talking when Annie walked in. She wore her perfect smile and her sense of style reminded me of Angela.
” just see how you are drooling over that girl and yet you lie you are nothing” I heard Tracy whisper as Annie walked towards us.
” drop it Tracy!” I scolded and stood up to welcome Annie.
” hey what a great honour to have you in my house” I smiled at her as she held me in a hug.
” yeah Aunty Nelly invited me over. Fortunately I was within town so I just rushed here” she smiled
I looked past her to the kitchen and saw aunty Nelly smiling at me knowingly. Then I understood her trick. She wanted me to get rid of Tracy. I smiled at her way of directing me to Annie. She was convinced Annie was more like Angela and that she was good for me.
Tracy just have Annie a quick greeting and walked out with out even saying bye to me.
” hey what’s going on? Did I interrupt something? She looks upset with me or something ” Annie looked concerned.
” forget it dear, she’s probably rushing somewhere and besides you are here now so I don’t mind if she goes” i sighed to make her feel comfortable.
” Jay, am sorry but I can’t help feel she’s offended with my presence the last thing I want is some girlfriend drama” she scoffed.
” what? No she’s not my girlfriend Annie. She’s just a friend from high school but that’s all it is. ” I quickly defended myself.
She looked at me and frowned. ” what am I to you Jay, the outings, the dinners the chats. I mean I want to know my place so that I don’t overstep my boundaries. Am sure you have noticed am kind of sensitive and….” She she couldn’t finish her sentence and I held her neck kissing her.
She kissed me back and got closer. Just then I saw flushes of Angela’ s face. I recalled her with me. Her smile, the way she moved as I made love to her and every single detail of her body..
Without warning I pulled out of the kiss abruptly and stood up like someone was after me. .” Am sorry I cant do this, I can’t . Please leave” I said firmly.
” but Jay what did I do. Did I offend you or something?” She asked standing and holding my hand.
” I said leave me alone Annie! ” I shouted startling her.
I saw her shed a tear and grabbed her hand bag. ” you know what I should have known you are this cold! You are right. I should be going ” she added and rushed out.
” Jared! ” Aunty Nelly called out. Giving me a look without words and I knew what it meant.
I ran out to her as she got out the gate.
” Annie! Am sorry. It’s just that….” I almost said before she cut in.
” I know Jay, you think am trying to replace Angela. Anyway don’t worry I will not. And no one else will for that matter. She’s gone Jay, she’s gone and no matter how painful and sad it is, get it through your head she’s never coming back.” She told me off and walked away.
” wait, I drive you back” I tried to stop her but she stood by the road and stopped a bus.
I leaned back on the wall fence feeling bad. She was right, no matter what, Angela wasn’t coming back and it wasn’t fair to always have to compare someone with her. She was gone and I had to move on even though I couldn’t see how.
Walking back inside I tried to call Annie but she didn’t pick up. I went in the living room to join Blessings who was playing with her new toy.
” baby hey” I sighed sitting next to her.
” are you going to take Aunty Annie to our home in Paris? ” she asked innocently.
” oh baby, I don’t know, why have you asked?”
” because you look happy when she’s here Daddy, you smile a lot with her and shes so kind. She doesn’t pretend to be nice to me like aunty Tracy” she shook her head.
” but baby, how can you say that about aunty Tracy when she got you a doll?”
” well she’s never got me anything before and she7 never even greeted me when she used to come for aunty Tina. I don’t like her. She talks a lot” the girl complained and I smiled holding her close.
” listen baby, you don’t have to worry about Any thing, it’s just going to be you, aunty Nelly and me in Paris okey?” I sighed trying to comfort her.
” but I want Aunty Annie too. She’s cute and I like her. She taught me how to tie my hair in a girly way” she smiled holding her hair”
I sat back looking at her.
Not knowing how to explain things to her.
Two nights later….
I went to bed after coming back from buying things for the house and items to use for the upcoming birthday party.
I lay down and fall asleep instantly.
Then I dreamt…
I was walking besides my old school trying to memorize something from a piece of paper.
Angela walked towards me holding something in her hands.
” Ms Jere” I called her out, “what do you have in your hands there!” I asked walking towards her too.
She smiled and stood before me.
” I want you to have this. It will help you with the upcoming competition and other things too ” she responded handing me a piece of white clothe.
It was so white and silk it felt so soft in my hands.
” how will this help me Ms?” I asked surprised.
She leaned towards me and whispered.
” that’s your life Jay, you can decide to write anything or see anything you want to see in that piece of clothe. Let’s just say it’s a clean start. It has nothing and so it’s up to you to put something on it” she smiled.
” but it’s so small, its just fitting on my palms. What if I want to write a lot of things or see a lot? They won’t fit here” I frowned sadly.
” it’s more than enough Jay. Do not underestimate your life. It’s capable of giving you anything you want provided you put your mind to it” she nodded holding my shoulder and walking me.
When I looked ahead I found we were no longer in school but at my house in Paris.
” So now” , she sighed sitting at the chair behind the house.
” tell me what you see in that”
I lifted my palms and looked through the clothe. Then I saw Annie and blessings talking and laughing. They looked so happy together I smiled.
I turned my head towards Angela and told her what I saw them she smiled.
” good. Now you can see Anything else you want for your life. Live on my love, and be happy. Open your heart and fill it with that which will give you happiness. I love you always! ” She smiled
” I miss you, ” i managed to say and tried to hold her . She kissed my hand and disappeared on me leaving me looking around.
I stood and looked around the house but she was gone.
” Angela! ” I called her out but it was quite.
I woke up with a start and found myself in my bed.
I sat up and sighed. clothe
” it was her Aunty Nelly. She was trying to give me a new start” I explained my dream to Aunty Nelly. Who told me that was the case and so the day before Blessings birthday I went to her grave. I was ready to say good bye to her and as i stood before her tombstone. I smiled without shedding tears.
” hey my love” I started.
” I got your message, am crazy I don’t even know if it was you or my own mind trying to show me things . But I want to say good bye to you Angela. I promised to love you and I will never break that promise to you. Even though I miss you so much I cannot take back the hands of time.
Hey, so I like this girl Annie. She’s so calm and peaceful and our daughter likes her too. I want to ask for your permission to be with her.. you aren’t jealousy Right?” I let a soft laugh and I felt a soft breeze in my face.
I looked up and smiled.
” thank you my love. I will see to it that our baby is raised well and will tell her all about you.
It’s her 5th birthday tomorrow and am so excited . Shes growing so fast and everyday she reminds me of you.
I love you so much and will forever hold you in my heart. I owe everything I am today to you.
Farewell my love. Till we meet again!”
I walked back home feeling peaceful. I had one more thing to do before going home . I had to see Annie.
I found her talking with her parents and she turned to look at me.
” what are you doing here Jay, I thought you….”
” am sorry I cut her short. I yelled at you and pushed you away. But now I want you back. Please come to the party tommorow, am sure my daughter would love to see you there.” I smiled at her
” okey, I will come I cannot miss that sweet girl’s 5th birthday.” She chuckled and I moved closer to her.
She looked at my face and I asked her…” How how old are you?” I laughed.
She looked at me and shook her head. ” does it matter? ”
” No actually it doesn’t” I laughed kissing her…
” I think am beginning to feel shivers in my stomac when am close to you” I told her as we walked to the house.
” that’s a good sign Right?” She smiled holding my waist.
” I guess it is.” I smiled and watched her smiling face as she leaned her head on my shoulder.
…………. The end………..
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