Hidden Dream – Episode 19
A Story By Tisa Phiri
I couldn’t stop smiling, closing my eyes and spinning around the house like a child. I Okwas in love and nothing else mattered. I had given myself to him whole heartedly and even when I thought I would regret later on, well it was all different. I even fall deeply in love with him.
Seeing him drive away was trully painful. It was like a part of me had gone with him.
I recall how he had dropped me after we had spent the whole morning together. He kissed me good bye and drove away. I couldn’t move from my position. I knew I had to but my body couldn’t move. Like to answer my prayer, I saw him drive right back.
Like a small girl I had smiled widely and ran to him as he opened his arms to welcome me in them.
He kissed my lips and I held his waist closer to me. ” what are you doing here? You should be going” I asked between kisses and he laughed.
” I would ask you the same question ” he laughed.
” I cannot see myself away from you love. I will miss you terribly” he murmered between kisses.
” I will miss you too Jay. I love you” I finally told him and he smiled widely.
” wow, you finally said it !” He said excited.
” come on you have to go now” I pushed him.
” you don’t need to miss your flight. Start going now” I insisted and he made a sad face kissing me before getting back to the vehicle.
The rest of the days were great. He kept in touch as promised updating me on everything happening in Paris.
3 months later….
I started feeling bad. My breathing was becoming difficult. My brother told me I had a similar problem when I was younger. I went to the hospital and after the tests, the first thing I was told was that I was pregnant.
My brother looked at me with a questioning look and I remember I had smiled. ” oh God am carrying his child!”
I was so excited I couldn wait for evening so that I could tell him the news.
However, that was before the Doctor went on to give me the bad news.
” am sorry to cut your joy short. You have a serious problem with your heart. Somehow carrying this child will not help matters. The arteries that take blood to your heart are not functioning properly. But you need to have more tests to determine what’s causing that” he explained
” No am not aborting my child” I answered firmly. After he told me I had to consider giving up the pregnancy. If you people think I will kill my baby because of this condition you are trully mistaken”
My brother and the Doctor tried to convince me otherwise but I blantly refused. I wasn’t going to let my baby, The child I was to have with my love Jay, be killed just to save my life.
That evening when Jay called me I had to put on a happy face. Not wanting to let him know what was happening. I wanted to be sure everything was okey before I could tell him about our baby.
The month that followed was the hardest. The doctors went on explaining the condition of my heart.
” you have a heart cancer” he went on.
“Heart cancer is extremely rare, on average only one case of heart cancer is seen each year.
Although still rare, most cancers found in the heart have come from elsewhere in the body. Cancers that begin near the heart, such as lung cancer, can grow to involve the heart or the lining around the heart (pericardial sac). Or cancer can begin elsewhere in the body and spread to the heart through the bloodstream. Cancers that may affect the heart include breast cancer, kidney cancer, lung cancer, leukemia, lymphoma and melanoma, among others.
Cancer can affect the heart in other ways, as well. A rare type of cancer known as carcinoid tumor at times produces hormones that can damage heart valves. That is your condition Angela, Am afraid it’s serious and the chances of curing it are very slim especially with our facilities in this country”
“Okey I don’t want to pretend I didn’t hear what you said. But my main concern is my baby. Is it going to be okey?” I asked tears now falling from my eyes.
He looked at me for a while before sighing..
” am sorry Angela but your heart is not strong enough as it is. Carrying this child will make things more difficult for you.” He explained.
“Is there even a slight chance the pregnancy can reach full term? I really have to give birth to this baby, please help me to have the baby, please” I cried out.
” I will see how I can help you through Angela but I can’t guarantee you will both survive the full term. The cancer is in it’s advanced stage and am afraid you don’t have a lot of time” he shook his head.
I was devasted, how can it be that when I had just fallen deeply in love and was going to be a mother, that God would decide to cut my life short. I cried almost all the time.
The only strength that I had was the baby growing inside of me. I decided to switch off my phone for some time not wanting To talk to Jay, less I broke down in front of him as he usually made some video calls.
I was one day outside thinking about what I was to do when Jay’ s father came. I didn’t understand why he came. So I calmly invited him inside.
” what brings you here Sir?” I asked him after we sat in the house.
” I heard that you have some intimate relationship with my son. I just came to warn you to stay away from him. Here I was thinking you have the best intrest at heart for him meanwhile you want to take advantage of him. ” I let him speak his heart out as tears rolled down my face.
I couldn’t believe he thought of me being with Jay because of his money. He went on rebuking me for not letting him make the right choices.
” am sorry sir, you are mistaken. I didn’t start a relationship with your son because of your money. I genuinely fall in love and my efforts to ignore my feelings failed when your son looked for me and found me. I love him and he loves me. Unlike what you are saying, Jay is a man now and he knows what he wants. Stop trying to fix his life already.” I went on telling him without hesitation.
” I was told how you manipulated him so that he can fall for you but believe me I will no let that happen” he scolded angrily not wanting to to reason with me.
I finally gave up trying to talk him out of it. Knowing I could die any moment.
I went on telling him I was pregnant and he stood there watching me like I was some kind of rubbish.
” am pregnant for Jay, him and me are now connected. So there’s nothing anyone can do about it ” I said softly looking down.
He asked if Jay knew and when I told him I had not said anything to Jay he sighed and told me to go on and tell him.
” let him come back here and take responsibility” he said sternly.
I however knew his motive was to get Jay to stop the dance lessons and I wasnt going to let that happen. My desire was to see him finish his course and probably try something that would make his dream succeed.
” am sorry I won’t tell him” I begun looking at him.
” and may you care to explain why not?” He chuckled teasingly. ” I see you are afraid his too young to take responsibility and so now you agree with my words about him being young and naive.”
” No, again you are wrong sir. I wont tell him because I know if I do he will be happy and would even want to come back home for his child. My greatest fear however, is that am not going to live that long and i know if Jay knew about my condition he will start worrying which will make him loose his focus. I dont want that for him. So yes, I will not tell him yet.
He might not come back to see me alive but I will pray God makes me deliver this child so that he will see the product of our love” I cried my heart to him.
I saw him look down at his shoes. It was evident my words struck him hard. I went on telling him about my condition and at the end when we both talked calmly I made him vow to never say a thing until Jay was done with his studies.
” I might die anytime soon but he has a while life ahead of him. I want him to be happy and so please I know he will not like this but it’s for his own good.”
We made a pact to keep the baby a secret and surprisingly Jay’ s father kept in touch and even helped me with finances for the hospital bills. I had to remain under constant observations. The Doctor was hired to be coming to check on me until I finally gave birth.
I had almost died after delivery . The Doctors told me I remained unconscious for almost 5 hours and they all had lost hope of me making it out alive. .they told me it was a miracle I was still alive as my heart was now failing me. My baby was healthy.
Jay’ s father came over to the hospital and I told him to help me find a nanny for the baby. Of which he gladly agreed to.
Months went on and my health didn’t improve. It was in and out of the hospital.
I fought hard not to call Jay, I couldn’t do so because my voice and the loss of weight would sell me out. The last thing I wanted was him loosing track of his career. With everything in me I prayed he would become successful.
One day his father came and told me as he always did about how Jay was fairing and that he was taking part in the World dancing competition. I smiled and told him I knew he was going to make it..
I watched all the shows of the competition on DSTV. With every stage getting more interesting seeing how he was determined and danced exceptionary.
I didn’t get to watch the finale as I was rushed to the hospital that day.
I woke up and asked how it went and my brother told me he made it.
I relaxed in the hosptal bed knowing I would now die in peace.” Tell him I love him so much and am proud of him” I told his father who had visited me.
” tell him….” I wanted to say and he cut me short
” you will come tell him yourself cause his on his way to you. He told the whole world he did it for you and my wife told me they are coming tomorrow.”
” what? No way, I can’t let him see me like this. It will kill him. Please tell him am out of town” I begged crying.
” I can’t promise that my dear, you know him he wiIl look for you. So I have no option but to bring him. You tell him about that girl he fathered. I think its high time everyone knew the truth” he added seriously.
” I can’t hide this from the family anymore Angela. Even if you think you are dying, give him the chance to say good bye. He deserves that don’t you think?” He asked
I cried out not wanting to see his face when he saw how much I had lost. But his father had a point. I had to let him know about everything.
I sat in the bed when my sister in law came to visit me. I was taking some water when the door to the ward slowly opened.
I turned to look at who had walked in and my heart stopped for a bit when I saw him stand by the door way. He had grown so much and he looked more handsome than the last time I saw him. His well fitting clothes making him look like a movie star.
My eyes were fixed at him when I realised how sad he looked. His smile faded instantly and I saw tears run down his face as he stared my way without blinking.
I wished I had the strength to stand up and ran to him. But was so weak my body couldn’t move.
I too started shedding tears and he rushed towards me holding me in a hug so close I felt his heart beat run faster.
” you came back?” I whispered sniffing the the tears from my eyes as my heart bled. The fear of dying so soon gripping my throat like never before. I wasn’t as ready to go as I had initially thought.
To be continued