Opana – Episode 7

Opana – Episode 7

© Akoto Alexander

Opana: Mr Commander to prove to you that am not making up stories or exaggerating, I came here with my hardcopy of the pictures which will back my claims.

Commander: Wonderful, this will make our work very easy and I will so deal with that foolish man, but wait ooo surprisingly you haven’t told me your name and where you are coming from?

Opana: Oh am Kofi Ansah a.k.a “Opana the rough boy”, am the only professional coffin maker in the next town.

Commander: (wipes his face hearing the name) Oh so you are the famous and renowned coffin maker who made quality name for himself due to your good works.

Opana: That is me and anyone who comes in contact with me, I leave either a “will or a bill”, now take a look at this picture I have on this phone.

Commander: (seeing the phone brings a cold shiver down his ribs and he looks a bit frightened) Did you say you had naked pictures of the man on this phone?

Opana: Oh yes and that is the reason why am giving you the phone to scroll through it so you see the idiot who has been illegally mining the gold in between my daughter’s legs. I want to make life unbearable for him and by tomorrow, I will be travelling to Accra to see first the Inspector General of Police (IGP), then from there I move to some leading media houses. You see there are 3 things involved in my mission out there, one the culprit will be disgraced and he will lose his job, two his marriage will hit the rocks and lastly I will get more money from the media houses with the kind of information I have for them, I know and have a strong edge that the story will make waves due to personality involved.

Commander: (scrolling through the phone and seeing his naked pictures) Mmm…… Mmmmm Mr Ansah.

Opana: (cuts in) Oh I prefer you refer to me as Opana.

Commander: You see we can settle this amicably without anyone getting to know of this. As you rightly said if this pictures gets to the hands of the media, my life will be doomed, anything I have worked for will cave in on me. I will lose my job as I will be going on pension in less than 3years time, my sick wife might die out of shock and my chances of been enstooled as a paramount chief in my hometown will be ruined, please reconsider you conviction once again. Am willing to dance to any tune you play, please I beg of you.

Opana: Ah commander you have really disappointed me, what do you have written on the calendar behind you.

Commander: (turns and reads it out) I am a proud Police Officer and I don’t accept or give Bribe.

Opana: You see am also a proud professional Coffin Maker and accepting bribe is against my ethics.

Commander: My brother this won’t be a bribe, it will only be a token for the secret I want you to keep between us. Please think it through my brother because lives are involved in here.

Opana: Equally my daughter’s dignity was at stake also. Did you for once consider the age of my 16years old daughter?

Commander: But she told me she was over 18years when I approached her and her body attested to the fact that she is matured. Please I wasn’t aware that she is underage.

Opana: Oh nice, as you always tell people when they faulter with the law that “ignorance is no excuse of the law”, I will equally hold you ransom to that because you should have also run a background check on her. From where am coming from, our motto is “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”, looking at the size of your thing in between your legs am very convinced that my daughter has most of the tissues in her v****a thorn apart that even doctors can’t repair it for her. I won’t forgive you for that because that girl has been betrothed to the Prince of this very town and she is to be presented to him on their wedding day a virgin. Now what do I tell the chief and his people?

Commander: (goes on his knees to ask for mercy) My brother words alone can’t show how sorry I am for doing wrong to your daughter and your family. Am willing to make amends Opana, please don’t punish me with my stupid mistake.

Opana: (laughs in his head, my plan is really going well for me) You promised my daughter three thousand cedis (3000) last night, give that money to me first and secondly every member in my household is also aware of your illegal business with my daughter. (his phone rings)

BACK IN OPANA’s HOUSE:

Akua Yankey: Adjoa Bernice you made me very sad last night. At your tender age, why are you plying on such dangerous grounds, what if you contracted any sexually transmitted disease or even got pregnant from it. Sleeping with over 17men which is even more than your age is outrageous and very alarming, I must say am very worried and remain very shocked, I have to send you to the town’s hospital for a thorough check up on you to see if you haven’t spoil the place with the different sizes of manhood that entered there.

Bernice Ansah: (crying) Mummy I don’t know what came over me, ever since I caught bro Kwaku and sister Agnes doing it at the back of the house I became tempted to try it and when I did, the edge became too strong for me to resist any man who demanded for it from me and I remember you told me that I shouldn’t be headstrong when anyone ask me of something I can offer or give. You further went on to say givers never lack and their blessings in heaven increases.

Akua Yankey: Whaaat? You mean you caught your elder brother and that slut having sex behind the house? Now Kwaku Mike what have you got to say to this allegation against you?

Michael Ansah: Mummy it was the work of the devil.

Akua Yankey: Eeeeiiii so this devil koraa is he stupid? Can’t he come out from wherever he is hiding to defend himself a little? Every crime or wrong that someone does the blame is shifted on him and he never comes out to defend himself. You went to throw your waist up and down, left, right, centre and you stand before me to say it was the work of the devil. So your father stating that she said you should stay away from her was not a made up story. Hmmmm now that I have heard ugly stories of Micheal and Bernice, am waiting to hear that of Leticia and Deborah’s own. I am scared to even address you as children now because you people have shown to me that we are in the computer world and you are capable of doing the unthinkable.

Bernice and Michael Ansah: (chorus voice) Mummy please forgive us, it won’t happen again and we promise to turn a new chapter and make you proud of us.

Akua Yankey: Can I ever bear you grudges or throw my intestines away and fill my stomach with leaves? If you say you have turned a new chapter, I have heard you and my eyes will be on the ground watching you.

OPANA’s SHOP:

Senior Apprentice: Where is the youngest apprentice here? I want you to go and buy me fufu and groundnut soup from the market square.

Young Apprentice: Senior please you heard master as he was leaving this place that no one should leave this shop until he returns and that he has set spies amongst us.

Senior Apprentice: I have seen that you guys don’t respect me in this shop and from hence forth if anyone of you steps on my shadow, I will so deal with you that you will regret coming to learn coffin making in this shop.

Young Apprentice: Senior please understand me for you know am always willing to serve you and do all your bidings. I beg of you to understand me today.

2nd Apprentice: Yaw Manu let this innocent boy be, you heard the instructions our master left behind, don’t get him into trouble for he came to this place to learn a profession for himself and not trouble or your wahala.

Senior Apprentice: Hmmmm so you now rock shoulders with me in this shop huh, I blame you not for it is master who has caused all this gross disrespect for me but I will prove you guys wrong soon. “Enemies can never be God”.

Customer: Good afternoon youngmen. We are after your boss, where is he?

2nd Apprentice: Please sir he has gone out at the moment.

Customer: Do you by chance know the time he will return? We have an appointment to catch with him.

Senior Apprentice: Mmmm director, you see I am the 2IC here, so in the absence of my master if anything you can bring it out since am a good negotiator more than him.

2nd Customer: Excuse me but please what do you mean by the word 2IC?

Senior Apprentice: Oh so you don’t know this one? Well my father happens to be an Air Vice Marshal at the Burma Camp Air Force Base and because I use to mingle with the young soldiers, I happen to use most of the coded language to communicate with people thinking am still with them. Well the 2IC simply means Second-In-Command.

2nd Customer: Lol!!! You are funny like your boss but we will prefer to wait for him since he is aware that we will be here this afternoon.

2nd Apprentice: I like the sound of that but please try and call him so he will know that you have come to meet his absence and that his presence is needed here as soon as possible.

1st Customer: I think that is a brilliant idea, can you please give me your master’s number?

2nd Apprentice: With pleasure sir, his number is 0249446151.

1st Customer: You are a great personality with a fabulous technique to communicate with people. (dials the number and the lines goes through)

BACK IN THE COMMANDER’s OFFICE:

Commander: My brother temper justice with mercy for me please. If you leak this pictures of mine a lot of bad things will happen to me and my family.

Opana: You should have taught of that before swinging your shifted waist on my daughter in a Suhum-Nsawam sequence and am surprise my daughter has been walking about freely like nothing heavy, long and powerful has slipped between her legs.

Commander: My brother am on my knees begging, it will be a big deal if any of my junior officers comes to meet me in such uncompromising state, it will bring many issues because in the police service, many can’t keep their mouths shut.

(Opana’s phone rings and he answers the call with swag)

Opana: Good afternoon, this is Dr. Opana’s business line, who is on the line and how may I help you?

1st Customer: Good afternoon director, this is the man who came to your shop with his sister yesterday to purchase your wonderful masterpiece. Actually we are at your shop and I must say your 2IC is very hilarious and he is really entertaining us.

Opana: (smiling) Oh I am sorry you came to meet my absence but I will be there in a while for us to complete our business deal. But did you say my 2IC is very hilarious?

1st Customer: Oh yes and am enjoying myself here but please kindly get here quick.

Opana: Don’t worry I will be there soon. (call ends)

Commander: My brother am still kneeling before you so please do something about my plea, I beg of you and am ready to do anything to please you.

Opana: Did you say you are ready to do anything to please me?

Becareful of what you ask of me because am an unpredictable person

___

Commander: Just name it and I will do well to honour it.

Opana: Ah well, you asked for it so listen to what I have for you. The three thousand cedis (3000) you promised to give my daughter, I am taking it from you as a compensation for making my wife and children hear of your illegal affair with my underage daughter. Secondly you will act as my guardian angel or bodyguard that any crisis I found myself, you will come to my rescue. Thirdly once in a while I will come for money from you to boost my business and also sponsor my home to be a happy place. Lastly I will like you to push my son into the police service.

Commander: (sweating in an air conditioned room) Hmmmm there are some of your request I can grant easily but for some they are beyond me.

Opana: (cuts in) That was not what you told me earlier on, I expect you to just honour your word and grant my request. I will give you time to get back to me later with a reasonable response because I have got someone waiting for me and you add extra two thousand(2000) cedis to the three thousand cedis(3000) I requested for earlier on.

Commander: Hmmm this is too much ooo!!!

Opana: Will it be too much to see your naked pictures in tomorrow morning graphics?

Commander: Oh I wasn’t referring to you even but the truth is I don’t have physical cash on me right now so please I will sign a cheque for you if you don’t mind. I beg of you my brother.

Opana: I don’t like cheques but I will be considerate and accept it and I hope the cheque you will write for me will not have any problem when I go to the bank to cash it.

Commander: Not at all my brother, please here you are with the cheque, it is an open cheque.

Opana: Very good but please add extra fifty cedis(50) to it as I will use it to board taxi to the bank. Mind you I have a lot of duplicates of the pictures at vantage places so if you ask me to even delete what I showed to you earlier on I still have many to display so don’t try doing anything funny or silly. Now see me off because I have an unfinished business at the charge office.

Commander: (oblige and walks Opana out of his office) Thanks very much for your understanding and patience, I owe you a very big favour.

Opana: (smiles as they get to the charge office) Commander you see this disrespectful lady? I want you to write to the appropriate quarters for her immediate transfer to the worse police service district in the country and I mean now.

Commander: My brother please forgive her because she is one of my best officers I have here and losing her will be a very big blow to me. Corporal Iman Jawula are you sitting down? Go on you knees and start begging him, he has the power and influence to get you out of this place.

Officer: (down on her knees) Am very sorry sir. I was only following laid down procedures in this office, I never meant to be rude or disrespectful to you sir.

Opana: Hmmm you are so lucky I am in a good mood today. Next time learn how to speak with people and don’t let that black hhaki you are wearing to deceive you because before a wise young king was born, a stupid oldman was already living. You and that stupid smelling criminal there were insulting and threatening me, now see your life, who is laughing last? Get up and go and sin no more.

Opana leaves the police station feeling very happy with himself and how he has been able to get the district commander at his corner.

Opana’s Compound:

Michael Ansah: Hey Aggie so did you have to go that length to disgrace me before my father?

Agnes Kyerewaa: You called for it and you deserve every little thing I told him.

Michael Ansah: Oh really so why didn’t you inform him of our sexual escapades we have been engaging ourselves in already, you made it sound like I was now chasing after you but meanwhile I have been drilling the oil in you for over 2 years now.

Agnes Kyerewaa: Oh is that so? After drilling all that big barrels from my oil field as you claim did my oil get finish? All you are good at is throwing your waist up and down but you dont know how to throw your hand and mind to get money. You are very lazy and self centered.

Michael Ansah: Do you expect a fine boy and a degree holder like me to go and do that silly work? Ah just check me out my dear, how were you expecting me to go and do a labourer work at the man’s work site after you introduced me to him as your elder brother. Was that stupid idiot expecting his “brother-in-law” to do labourer work on his building site? Hell no I won’t descend that low whiles am still living in my father’s house.

Agnes Kyerewaa: Elder brother indeed, let your fine boy and degree get to your head and continue to daydream, you will eat your kenkey without fish. Does fine boy or degree put food on the table if you are not working? Even though I wasn’t able to complete secondary school, I have been using what I have to get what I want, am not proud of it but sometimes a man has got to do what he does just to survive. If you care to know am doing some final touches of my 6bedroom mansion in the city and my boutique is ready, I will be hanging my pants and bra soon as a form of retirement. Learn to count your teeth with your tongue because time waits for no man, you are not growing any younger by the day and if you don’t make a move in life, you will get no where, move out of your comfort zone. I did that without a degree and see the result now, learn to say “mine and not ours”. A word should be enough for the wise, fine boy indeed!!!

Michael Ansah: Hmmmm so you have also joined them huh?

Agnes Kyerewaa: Am not them Mr Fine Boy, I am only telling you the truth as a concerned friend so you can either choose to take it or leave it. I have said my own.

Michael: Did you just relate to me as your friend?

Agnes Kyerewaa: You heard me right, were you expecting me to address you as my father or husband? You were just a friend to me and that anything I did with you didn’t have any strings attached.

Michael Ansah: So you screaming baby more, baby I love you, sweetheart I love it were all lies?

Agnes Kyerewaa: Baby boy wake up and smell the hot coffee because anything said during orgasm are most of the time not true. Yes you were good and strong in bed but truly you are lacking some qualites which happens to be in your pocket. Men love sex and women love money, you were lucky I was giving you sex for free without asking for a cedi from you in return. I was trying to fall in love with you but your joblessness has been pushing me from you, Mike I need a man who can support me in life and make life easy for me, no woman enjoys poverty or hardship. Make a move and leave your comfort zone.

Michael Ansah: So all the dovggy and Jack hammer sex positions I gave you were all in vain and am never going to have you for life?

Agnes Kyerewaa: (feeling honry hearing the sex positions) So because you know my weakness anytime you mention that word you want to use it against me huh, this is not fair at all Mike.

Michael Ansah: (plays smart and pulls Agnes close to him) I have a lot in stock for you my cup cake, I have gotten a mouth watering job offer in the city to work with one of the powerful media houses in the country with a mindblowing salary and accomodation plus an official car. All this while I was searching for a better avenue to break the news to you but you never gave me the opportunity to express myself to you.

Agnes Kyerewaa: Oh that is good news, I can’t believe am hearing this from you Mike, come here and give me that dovggy style that I have been depriving you off for sometime now. Am dying to have you inside me.

Michael Ansah: Same here darling, you can’t imagine how I have missed that golden honey pot.

Later on:

Agnes Kyerewaa: Gosh you were on fire Mike, you nearly made me lose my breath, wow it was mindblowing and spectacular, where from that strength?

Michael Ansah: The lion takes it’s strength and courage from its father and I must also confess that it tasted so good and am glad you gave it to me after I lied to you on my job issue.

Agnes Kyerewaa: (feeling betrayed but gets the strength to talk) Ah you taught you made a fool out of me right? Well take this sex we had some few minutes back as my exgratia package for you because I have retired you in my life for good. Now leave my room you fool, your body is older than your brain and don’t worry your head about the sperms you dropped in me because I have infected you with an STD, visit the hospital early enough to get yourself treated. Idiot!!!

Michael Ansah: (sobbing) Herh Aggie you are wicked and heartless, God will punish you for what you have done to me and I will never forgive you for what you have done to me.

Agnes Kyerewaa: Hahahahahaha, I laugh enter your boxer inside, you taught you were taking advantage over me huh? If you want cheap things you get cheap troubles to buy. Mmmm go to the pharmacist and buy this drugs Metronidazole, Tinidazole, Tindamax and Flagyl 375, they are miscellaneous antibiotics and they are very expensive but it will cure you from the infection or you can decide to go to the hospital and go through their injection process, am so done with you Mr Fine Boy, now get out of my room you fool. You think you outsmarted me when I gave you my body huh? You have just contracted Trichomoniasis and Chlamydia.

Michael Ansah: You are a witch, infact you are the devil incarnate and I will deal with you at the right time.

Agnes Kyerewaa: Oh Mike did you just threatened me? Please you come for another round of sex so that it cures you of the infection. Hahahahahaha

What is the fate of Michael Ansah? How would a broke guy like him get treatment for the allegedly STD infection?

To be continued

 

ALL EPISODES