Opana – Episode 5

Opana – Episode 5

© Akoto Alexander

Opana: My boys is it a crime to protect you family? Hmmmm where do I even start from, you see that boy is a home breaker. I caught him trying to rape my underaged daughter in an uncompleted building which made me to seize everything he had on him that very moment, he went home and brought his family members to come and collect his things from me without telling them the very reason why I seized his things. After I narrated everything to them(family members), they left Kwame Fred to face the embarrassment alone, that is his reason for he wanting you guys to eliminate me so he can have his revenge.

Atongo: Herh this guy be wicked and greedy, Skido we for go tow am then discipline am seriously.

Ras Nene: Atongo I agree with you 100% on your suggestion and we have to really punish him so that when next he hears your name or sees you coming, he will run for cover.

Skido: Did you say we have to go and search for Kwame Fred? Hell no my guys, don’t forget he will come to the place we converge earlier on to wait for us. We will apprehend him and deal with him so badly that his family won’t even recognise him again.

Opana: I like what am hearing my boys because “what is good for the goose is equally good for the gander”, I have a big surprise for you later when I get to see him betrayed that way.

Skido: What could that surprise be our new friend?

Opana: If I disclose it to you then it means it’s no longer a surprise, wait patiently for it and I believe you will love it when I show it to you finally.

Atongo: Herh this old man you nor whats up paaa oooo, I dey feel you pass my woman self.

Opana: I hope you are not a gay by trying to feel me more than your woman?

Atongo: Gay? I dey hate those people who be gays and lesbians that I go fit rape a lesbian for her to stop that stupid practice.

Opana: No problem my handsome friend, I have somewhere to go but I will meet you at the place you said Kwame Fred will come and meet you by 5pm, here take this small token to order more drinks if you still want more.

(Opana leaves the gang members to an undisclosed location and returns to the hide out to meet the guys at the scheduled time)

Free Yeboah: Yoo guys how did it go? Hope you did a clean job and no one saw you squeezing life out from that old fool and before I forget where is the envelope I requested you to take from him?

Atongo: Where wanna money dey, you give us the pay to our job then we go release your envelope give you.

Skido: Precisely my guy, we have done the difficult part of the job so give us our pay to the job so we hand over the envelope you are requesting for.

Fred Yeboah: What is all this guys, hope you are not trying to play smart and double cross me because am way smarter than you guys.

All the same here is your money.

(hands over some cedis notes to Skido and immediately felt some heavy slaps from behind)

Opana: So you think you could hire some guys to eliminate a whole me just like that?

Fred Yeboah: (holding his cheeks after that heavy slaps from a renowned carpenter with a sandpaper palm) Whaaaat? So you guys played me huh, you didn’t do the work I hired you for, you took my money and made a full out of me?

Ras Nene: Keep quite you fool. You wanted us to eliminate our boss huh, if you know what we are about to unleash on you, you would be saying your last prayer you greedy bas***d. You tried raping an innocent girl and his father catches you, deals with you and you pass behind him to hire us to eliminate him. For your information you dug your own grave and we will help push you into it, when you meet my late father in hell tell him am waiting for the lotto numbers he promised me before dying.

Opana: Guys I have an old coffin that I am willing to give out so you put him in as you push him into the grave he dug for himself.

Fred Yeboah: (crying like a little boy who had been bitten) What will you guys achieve if you take my life away from me? See I have been diagnosed of a deadly disease and am going to die anytime soon so why don’t you let me die in a natural way rather than making my blood be on your heads.

Opana: So you had a deadly disease and you wanted to infect my little girl with it before dying, blackman with green sense. See if you jump from a tree to the ground you are down and if you take your time to descend also you are down, whether you break your leg or not you are down so if you die naturally or my boys eliminate you, you will still die but I will make it easier, faster and quicker for you by allowing my boys to send you to hell very fast.

Fred Yeboah: (sensing great danger and crying more) Am begging you please am not sick as I said earlier on, I beg you to temper justice with mercy, I was been childish and greedy. If you spare my life I promise to turn a good chapter in my life. I will be a good boy and stay faraway from you path, I swear by the tomb of my late father to be of good conduct.

Atongo: Shut your mouth you fool, you think say we be kiddies for here, Opana I beg where make I sh00t this guy, make I sh00t his chest, head, stomach or through ehn balls?(pulls his locally gun out and points the gun at Fred Yeboah and surprisingly he urinated on himself which got everyone present laughing)

Atongo: So you nor get liver wey you want ki*ll another man.

Opana: Guys deal with him as his fate is in your hands now, I will see you later.

Ras Nene: Boss please what about the surprise you said you have for us?

Opana: Oh guys you know what I do for a living, am a coffin maker so I have a coffin each for all of you that should in case any of you dies, I will personally present to your family as a token from my heart.

Skido: Aaaahhhh? This is an insult to us Opana and you know that. Please take your stupid gift and leave here before I descend on you mercilessly. Now you guys deal with this idiot kneeling infront of me right now but don’t ki*ll him.

Opana leaves the place laughing out loud, you fools what were you thinking in the first place after I had bought drinks and meat enough for a family party. You want me to give you everything I have on me, I will find ways and means to retrieve the money I spent on you this afternoon even. He gets home to find his elderest son fighting with his little sister over a meat.

Opana: You are here fighting with your younger ones over meat whiles your age mates are out there making it big time, when I was your age I was married to your mother and was taking my manly responsibilities as a responsible man. Your mother has pampered you and it’s turning you into a woman, I sometimes wonder if you are truly my son?

Akua Yankey: Please oooo don’t start with your tantrums this evening, your son after completing the university and finding it difficult to get a job offered to work with you in your shop to help take records of things that comes in and goes out of your shop after you complained of petty petty stealing over there but you bluntly refused to accept his offer and have never said anything positive about him.

Michael Ansah: Enough of your insults father, is it my fault that am jobless?

Opana: No its my fault that you are jobless, why won’t it be your fault for been jobless, tell me? I sent you to school to go and read political science so you can turn into a politician in the future but you planned with your mother and changed your course to photography or something something. How much money do photographers get and what achievements are they able to bring into their lives.

Michael Ansah: Papa that is the job I want to do, it’s my passion to be a photographer and no one will stand in my way from achieving my goal. Moreover you have written “Opana and Sons Coffin Mall” on your signpost at your shop, you have to explain to us since I am your only son and I hope you don’t have any male children elsewhere because I am not ready to share my inheritance with any male child.

Opana: You are very stupid, may thunder fire you there. I sometimes wonder if you were concieved for the natural 9months for gestation and let me sound this caution to you that you can never inherit any of my properties so far as my nephews are still alive. We are Akans we enjoy the privileges of inheriting your uncle’s asserts when he dies.

Akua Yankey: (cuts in rudely) God forbid!!! My son will never have any evil encounter with any thunder and he will inherit every single thing you own on this earth.

Opana: See her also? You have the impunity to involve yourself in this annoying argument your useless son is having with me, continue pampering him for him to fool around, when I was his age I was already catering for my family by then.

Akua Yankey: Were you not enjoying privileges from your uncle? What have you done to better the life of your son?

Opana: My God!!! Is it the nature of women to always be ungrateful? Were you like this when I came to marry you? When you dish out your food and someone comes to meet you, the person might think you are serving four people at that moment but you are the same person who will consume everything. I haven’t gotten any help or assistance from you as a wife ever since I brought you to my house.

Akua Yankey: When I pleaded with you for you to walk me down the aisle to bless our staying together after 30years what was your response?

Opana: So that is why you have planned with those things you call children to destory and milk me dry huh? I have given you money on countless times to run commercial business but because your mouth is so opened and wild the money never last then you run into bankruptcy, you are the only person who I know sold porridge and water but you ended up owing your suppliers.

Michael Ansah: I won’t watch you………

____

Opana: Oh shut that gutter you call a mouth, I have seen all what you are plotting against me but I swear by the nip*le that first breastfed me that it won’t work. My friend serve me with my evening meal for me to quickly consume because I have an important and emergency meeting with my tenants and if you people like poison it, I will eat and drink DDT on top as a soft drink.

Akua Yankey: I don’t have you time this evening but I know where to get you.

Opana: Don’t even try to impede me with your body or sex because if you try I equally know what to do to sort myself out.

Akua Yankey: I swear if you try any funny move with my thing erh I will curse you.

Opana: Apuuuuu!!! Who eats palmnut soup and doesn’t get tired, hurry up with my food before I decide not to eat your food this evening and you know what that implies. Where is that thing called Bernice?

Akua Yankey: She is in her room, any problem?

Opana: After my meal and meeting with my tenants, I will brief you or better still she can open up to you since you are her alibi who has been covering up for her always.

Akua Yankey: What do you mean by that?

Opana: My friend get me my supper now and stop asking me unnecessary questions. What is all this wahala that am facing in my own house, I need to marry a new wife who will calm down my nerves from all this stress I get from you people.

Akua Yankey: (gives a very loud hiss) Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!! Over my dead body

(walks out to get her husband’s food)

Michael Ansah: Papa so why are you doing this to us?

Opana: Youngman don’t annoy me this evening because I lost trust in you the moment you and your mother betrayed and stabbed me in the back, did I ever make you lack anything when you went to school?Didn’t I perform my fatherly duties to statisfaction? Because of you guys I worked myself day and night just to make your lives very comfortable, what wrong did I do?

Akua Yankey: (walks in to serve her husband and keeps murmuring) Nothing my kids and I do in this house pleases you. You see fault at everything that we do.

Opana: Woman will you shut up for me to enjoy my supper in peace? Do you expect me to applaud you when nothing you and your children do looks pleasing to my sight? I paid thousands of cedis for that idiot to read a course in the university and you passed behind me to change his course without informing me the sponsor, do you know how painful that is? Why don’t you assist him to get a job after school, all he does now is to mustercate my food and fight with his younger ones.

Akua Yankey: I don’t like the way you treat him in this house, he is your elderest child and his sisters must accord him with that respect. Because you treat him like an outcast his younger ones also treat him same, they speak to him anyhow and you are proud of them.

Opana: Today you have mouth to exchange words with me woman, have you seen how bulky you people look now, I work my a$$ out day and night but yet still you don’t appreciate what I do for you people. Now for your information am giving your son 3weeks to pack out of my house and go and seek for a better life outside this compound, after all he owns a degree in photography or whatever course he read in the university.

Akua Yankey: So in other words you are driving him away from this house?

Opana: Exactly my wife, as I was his age I was a responsible father and I was out there without a degree fending for you and him. I have spoken and that is final. Now come and clear this food from my face. (walks out to meet his tenants)

At the meeting on the compound:

Tenants: You are welcome Mr Landlord.

Opana: Thank you to those who honoured my invitation even at a short notice, my day has been ruined so I won’t beat about the bush. I will go straight to the point of inviting you people here.

Collins Twumasi: (whispering to himself) I hope this man won’t make me the centre for discussion this evening?

Eno Bruwa: (scared to the marrow and also wondering if Opana has any bad news for her) God please don’t let this man wash my dirty clothes outside here because I have a lot of enemies on this compound.

Opana: Well as you are all aware that Christmas is fast approaching and most of you tenants, your rent has expired. I wouldn’t like to mention names here because I know all of you are aware of your monetary standings, also I want to do maintenance on some of the rooms on this compound and also paint the entire house so I have decided to increase the rent to 50% of what you are already paying.

Mr Baffour: But landlord you just can’t increase the rent just like that, at least we should be given a prior notice.

Opana: Isn’t this a notice? Do I have to sort for your approval before I take decision in my own house? Please anyone who can’t afford to go by my orders can pack out of my house now and for those whose rent has expired you have by the end of the week to settle your bills with the new rent charges or else I will eject you like a snail from its shell.

Ifeoluwa: Oga landlord you for nor do that nko, shabi you for take am easy give us, the economy be bad and slow abeg reconsider your decision jhoor. Biko my super fabulous landlord.

Opana: (in a femine voice) My dear this is Ghana and we don’t joke with our money issues so just stick to my decision or pack out, do you know what I passed through when I spent some years in Nigeria, your countrymen made me decide never to travel to any other country again so take my little advice and abide by my new rules and regulations.

Ama Amissah: Landlord this is too much, as you can see no one amongst us is in support of your decision so if you can reconsider it and make amendment like everyone will be so happy and we will sing praises unto your name. My husband said things are tough back in the States hence he hardly sends money back home nowadays.

Opana: Well that is so bad for you but as I have already informed you, I have made my decision and nothing anyone of you say here will reverse my decision. If you can’t cope with my decision you can pack out of my compound because I have a lot of people on standby waiting to move in the moment I signal the person of vacancy in my house.

Agnes Kyerewaa: Mr Landlord please am on my knees, I don’t usually do this but today am on my knees begging you to please do something about your intended decision to increase our rents, even with the current rent most of us are finding it difficult to pay. Please be a Christian and reconsider your decision.

Collins Twumasi: Opana our champion landlord, the locomotive man, the landlord extraordinaire, the only youngman amongst his age mates, man of compassion and of great swag, the………

Opana: (cuts in without allowing his tenants to talk) Hold it there Collins, I know where you are driving towards to. Today nothing anyone will say here will change my mind, I repeat those of you owing me should come and amicably settle me before I strike because the plan I have is dibolic.

BACK IN OPANA’s ROOM:

Michael Ansah: Mum I heard everything he said, are you sure he is my real father?

Akua Yankey: Shut up my son, what stupid question is that? He should be even more angry with you for what you did, I warned you when you decided to change the course he knew you were reading. He made arrangements for you at the MP’s office when you got to your final year only for him to get to know that you have diverted your course. I blame you for all this things happening here in this house.

Michael Ansah: Mum so can’t I follow my passion and dreams any longer?

Akua Yankey: What positive results has your dreams and passion brought to you and this family. Get up and do something if you want to be accorded with much respect in this family.

Michael Ansah: Mum I have my plans and I will leave this house to the city even before the time spine I was given by your husband elapse. I promise to make you proud very soon, am not that useless as you and your husband see me.

Bernice Ansah: (walks in) Mum why this noise all over the place?

Akua Yankey: Did you say noise? Wait till your father returns and you will get to know since he asked of you in an angry tone.

Bernice Ansah: (changes face with her hands on her head) Mummy please save me from the wrath of papa, am scared of what he might do to me.

Akua Yankey: And what are you talking about? Save you from the wrath of your father, how?

Bernice Ansah: Mmmmm…….. Mmmmmmmmm………

Michael Ansah: Hey talk and let mummy see what she can do to save you from papa or have you gone to do your thing again?

Bernice Ansah: Please oooo, I haven’t stepped foot on your land. Please stay away from my matter because I don’t want your trouble this evening.

Michael Ansah: Mummy you see how she is speaking to me rudely, I will slap the madness out her very soon. I don’t blame her, it’s papa who has caused all this thing.

Bernice Ansah: Leave me alone ooo, I said don’t put your mouth in my matter.

Akua Yankey: Adjoa Bernice shut up before I hit you with the bowl in my hand. Foolish girl, the next time I hear you talking to your elder brother like that again erh, I will let him beat you till you collapse. Now apologise to him right now before I slap your stupid face.

BACK AT THE MEETING ON THE COMPOUND:

Opana: For you Agnes you are preaching Christianity here right, every night I pass behind your window and the kind of sound that comes from the room I believe the walls of my room always get orgasm from the hymns you sing through moaning. The only person I haven’t seen coming out from your room is a Chinese albino, those men don’t they give you enough money?

Agnes Kyerewaa: Please oooo Mr Landlord drop me here wai, the fact that I pleaded with you to reconsider the high rent charges doesn’t warrant you to insult my means of survival, ashawo too be business because after all I pay every bill am suppose to pay in this house on time and moreover I have 18months more before my rent expires, what have I got to worry about you 50% increament because by then my house would have been completed and please tell your son to stop bothering me because he’s not my class, I don’t do boys who still leave with their parents. Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeew am out of here. (walks out on them)

Collins Twumasi: Hahahahaha yawa paa ooooo.

Opana: Oh shut up you womanizer, you have mouth to talk even though you owe over 2months rent plus utility bills and let warn you, the next time I see you around my underage daughter I will rent a room for you at the police station.

Hajia Kubra: (in a very calm tone)My honourable landlord please take it easy, we are not fighting over here, this is a simple dialogue where everyone is expressing his or her views so please calm down.

Eno Bruwaa: God bless you my sister for your kind words, you have spoken my mind.

Opana: It seems you people planned before my coming but I must say I won’t listen to anyone on this, I request “Daddy Lumba’s – Yen tie obiaa” for everyone in this house. The utility bills has been pasted on the notice board for days now, those who haven’t paid yet have up to the end of the week to pay or else I will cut the person off from supply. From tomorrow also I will be locking the main gate at exactly 9:30pm because thieves have started operating since christmas is around the corner, convey the news to those who failed to show up for my meeting and tell them that I will deal with them for failing to attend this very important meeting. I have spoken and so shall it be, good night to all of you

Eno Bruwa: The king that refuses advice from his elders slides his garments in faeces when attending a social gathering.

What is the fate of this tenants because the battle line has just been drawn in the house of Opana?

To be continued.

 

ALL EPISODES

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