TEARS ON MY PILLOW – Episode 2
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I walked down the road from Mwape farm it was a cool clear night. Making me feel more empty, with every step I took away from where I left my little Angel. I wondered what was going on inside that house.
“was she ok? Maybe she was awake and needed me.” I quickly brushed off the sad thoughts and walked back home in silence. Saying little prayers and pouring my heart out in tears.
I wasn’t a bad person. Infact I was a born again Christian and a humble girl everyone liked me that i wasn’t as wild as other girls of my age. I worked hard at school and though I lived with my aunty my late dad’s sister who treated me less than a human being. I had an inner inspiration to make it big in life and help take care of my poor mother who was still living in missis compound in Lusaka. My aunty Nelly decided to take me in when I qualified to grade 8. since my mom had no means of seeing me through school, she was happy aunty took me so that i can complete my education.
My aunt’s husband was a manager at Lafarge cement company in chilanga district. And I can say that they were doing fine.we lived in a big house opposite the plant.
Though it was a relief my aunty Nelly took me in. I had to endure her heartless atitude. She treated me and the brother to her husband harshly. sometimes we went without full meals. Meanwhile her and her two children would eat nice meals at the dinning table as we watched in silence. she would shout at us and mock our poor families and how lazy our parents were that they couldn’t take care of us.
I remember growing up, she lived with us before dad passed on. He educated her up to college level and even helped her get a job at Lafarge through his friend a few months before he died. I was in grade 5 then. My mom tried taking care of me and my two siblings Joseph and sila. But it wasn’t easy with the fact that she was uneducated and bad at business too. she ended up selling our house which was in chilenge and we moved to misis compound.
Now mom was working as a maid. She asked Aunty Nelly to help with my school fees, that’s when she agreed to let me stay with them in chilanga. Of course it wasn’t like she wanted to, but her pride made her. she was the kind to show off like she was a good woman to other family members but deep down she was heartless. Aunty Nelly made me and Chisha the brother in law clean and do all th house work and left us meagre meals when she left for work.
I had to ensure i did all the work and took her first born girl to school before preparing myself for school. She only hired a lady to look after her 1 year old second born girl. According to her there was no need to hire a maid when we were around.
Her husband was good though. He was so good to me he even gave me money for clothes and any school requirements. Though this got to aunty Nelly, even when she never said it, I knew she hated the fact the her husband wasn’t as evil as she was.
I was happy when I made it to grade ten. Uncle Chilufya suggested I go to a boarding school since I had good results. Aunty objected but she gave up when her husband insisted I go so I put in all my effort and work hard at school. So he found me a place at Chipembi girls in central province.
I was ok up until I met a boy I fall in love with when I was in grade 11.
I came home for holidays. I was working as usual cleaning outside the gate when I heard someone calling out my name. Turning back I saw Benson. Ben was our neighbour Bana Juniour’s young brother. I first met him when I moved in with aunt. We were friends back then. He was doing his final grade in high school when I started my grade 8. Now he had gone away and I had no idea where. I never bothered to ask bana juniour were he had gone to. It was over three years since I lost sight of him.
“Hey there !” He called me out. Ben came and gave me a hug.
” It has been long Jenala how have you been?” He asked cheerfully.
“Great. .. you?” I reponded smilling.
“You look great”
” the last time I saw you, you were just a small girl. I never thought little Jena will turn out to be this beautiful” I smilled at him.
Honestly he looked good too. He was all grown up with a well built statue. he’s light skin looked so smooth and flawless. I gazed at his golf t shirt and noticed his strong masculine features.
“Oh..” i snapped.
” you look good too. So what brings you back to Chilanga after disappearing for years ?” I asked, holding the broom tightly.
“I came back for a visit, been away for long” he said leaning on the wall fence.
“I missed you guys here, it feels good to be back.” He shrugged looking at me all the time.
“Well you welcome Ben” I answered looking straight at him.
We chatted for a few minutes before he left. He told me he was studying Economics in Russia and just came back for 2 months for a holiday.
Ben and I had always been good friends.
Until one afternoon he asked me to sneak out and go to Kafue with him. We went for boat cruising and spent the whole friday afternoon at the hills besides the river chatting and catching up.
“So do you have a boyfriend? ” he asked me. I laughed out.
“Oh no Ben am in school remember?” besides I don’t have time to go out you know my aunty.” Ben giggled shaking his head.
” You are no longer a small girl Jena, plus I like you a lot. we know each other way back so I want you to become my girlfriend.” He stated straight up his manly voice so calm and sweet.
“whats that?” I looked at him smilling. Deep down I liked him too and I couldn’t belive a hot guy would even ask me to be his girl. I blushed a little.
“Tell me dear what makes me so special tbat you left all the cute ladies in Russia or where ever you went? ” I asked turning to look at him that I may tell when he lied to me.
“I like you cause you are beautiful and a very decent girl. Please be my girl” he said in a sexy voice and I fall for him like an idiot. That day we kissed and I went home humming love songs.
One day I foolishly followed Ben when he asked me to his house. His sister was out so he was alone home. He took me to his bedroom and that same day I lost my virginty to him. He was so nice and loving to me. No one knew about us except Chisha.
To cut the story short, We were in a great relationship and met up three more times before I went back to school. When I came back Ben had gone back to Russia. He promised to come back months Later when he was done with his degree program.
I then noticed I hadn’t had my periods the first term of grade twelve. I started feeling funny and went to the clinic. Everyone at home thought i had malaria. I was told by a nurse attending to me that i was pregnant after the blood testing .
I crushed down, What was I going to say to aunty? I knew for sure the momoent she knew that would be the end of me. It would be a perfect opportunity to send me back to mom. But if I left it meant I wouldn’t complete my grade 12. If I quit, how was I going to raise my child without anything.
“No way” I thought to myself, I wasn’t going to expose my child to harsh life conditions in Misis. I had no way of contacting Ben and to top it all I knew no one especially aunty and bana junior would even buy my story of Ben being the father to my child.
From th1e way they spoke about him I could tell they never expected him to be with a girl like me. She one day told me to Stop eying him cause he was engaged to an educated woman in Lusaka. That they shall get married when he was Done studying abroad. Ben however denied the allegations when o asked him and he told me to ignore my ranting aunty. So now I was stuck.
I made a plan not to say anything to anyone not even Chisha. I even went for anti natal clinic without anyone knowing. That’s where i leant about babies and how to take care of myself during my pregnance. When we were told to buy things for the baby, I bought everything and hide them in the house in my room.
I used the little moneys uncle gave me to buy the little things. I bought a dress and a showel,a pair of socks and a head sock and a Jersey. I got a cord clamp and cottom wool too.
I thought my belly would grow big, but I intended to hide it and make sure no one noticed. Since I spent most of the time at school it was not so hard. At school i concealed it with a school Jersey. And at home i wore big T shirts. Luckily I had a small bump as compared to other pipo I saw around. My aunt barely looked at me. She never noticed and since I stayed in doors when ever i was home, hiding my pregnance was so easy.
One day I was sent to Mrs Mwape’s farm to get vegetables. It was a few meters back from my home. As we went to pluck vegetables I noticed what a good woman Mrs Mwape was, how softly she spoke and was so kind to the workers.
Right there i had an idea, ” I would give my child once she was born to her. Instead of being thrown out I would give my baby to her until I was ready to take care of my baby.” I planned in my head.
I spent the whole time planning my babys birth and how to take her to the Mwape’s the moment she was born.
I Even went for a scan and they told me my due date. I prayed to give Birth on the actual day. Cause it was before schools opened for the third term and time for final exams.
God answered my prayer and so I started feeling contractions in the morning on Sept 30. I knew that time had come.I used Chisha’s phone who was now in college to Google.i learnt the process of Labour and everything about pregnance and child birth. So I quickly grabbed my school bag and packed the items I bought around 17 hours and left home saying i wanted to see a friend to give her a book for physics.
I went direct to the bushes were i cleared a place to give Birth from. Since it was close to the Mwape farm. I would easily walk down drop my new born baby and rush home. No one would ever know I was ever pregnant.
So it went as planned and here I am now leaving my baby and heading home like nothing happened. Meanwhile, my heart was torn apart.
I tiptoed into the house through the kitchen door. Thankfuly chisha left the door and gate open. He took my my plea to leave them open for me and cover for me in case aunty asked.
I went straight to my room changed the cotton wool and got in my bed. I cried myself to sleep feeling so exhausted.