Konji Palaver

Konji Palaver

The story you are about to read is
100% fiction. Any resemblance to real events and/or people is absolutely coincidental.


Readers Discretion Advised.


This story may contain some dirty, cuss words and scenes which has been reduced to the lowest minimum possible.


© 2017 | Alabede Jude Oluwabamise (Prince Jude) | All rights reserved.




Here we gooooooo!!!


My names are Ochuko Rukewe Jude. A native of delta state, warri town precisely.


Here is my story….



I never imagined my life being a total mess because of konji. I found myself in a worst state of predicament which no one would pray for but it actually happened to me.


How did it happen self?


Relax, grab any drink within your reach and take a sip as I take you on the ride.


It all started on a fateful Friday evening when I was heading back to my hostel room. I had just finished the lectures for the day even though, it’s once in a while but I just couldn’t afford to loose 40marks test which was conducted by Mr Akinyokun a.k.a (Mr. no nonsense). The man doesn’t condole any nonsense and it doesn’t take him anything to fail you. As a matter of fact, this is the third year i will be sitting to re-do his course due to carry over.

Brethen, no be small matter o.


I walked meticulously and majestically to my hall which was Azikwe hall in University of Ibadan.


Then it hit me!


I could hear the moans and banging emanating from a room not too far from where I was. I hastily climbed the last stairs and hurriedly walked down through the
hallway to my room. The moans were louder now but something isn’t right!
The moans were actually from my
room. Good gracious God!

Simon is at work again.


Chai! That guy no go ki*ll pesin.


In case you don’t know, Simeon is my buddy and one of my closest pal. We were both course mate and of course roommate and we had most things in common, like choice of girls, drinks, clothes and the likes. We were about average height but he was quite taller than I was but I won’t admit the fact that am short.


*back to present*


The moans sounds familiar to my eardrum but I just couldn’t tell. Just then, my mind drifted to Cynthia who already promised that she would come spend the night with me. I immediately brought out my phone from my side pocket and saw the screen lights on. It was buzzed and full of missed calls and unread messages.


70 missed calls and 50 new messages.


Omg! wetin happen?


I remembered putting my phone on silent mode while I was in class attending lectures. I scrolled through the missed calls and I found out that 20 was from Cynthia, 10 from miracle, 10 from bukky, 7 from jumoke, 13 from Emily and lastly 10 from Rose.


Chai! This girls again?


I checked one of the messages. Apparently, the most recent one. It was from Cynthia and it read; “Hey Jude am waiting in your room o. Your friend told me you went for lectures please be fast”

My eyes immediately fell wide open as realization hit me hard. My friend is banging my bae!

I rushed inside the room as if I was being poured hot water on my body. Then I saw them, Cynthia on Simon (the c*wgirl style) bouncing on his konji with her two eyes closed. I could tell she was feeling it, feeling the heavenly pleasure. Simeon on the other hand lay below her on the bed. He was half clad in a shirt

but trouser and boxer had gone to Sambisa forest while his konji dey do I dey mad over you in her punana.

They were oblivious of my presence in the room, all these while I was standing looking at them. Suddenly, Cynthia (m********) opened her eyes and saw the unexpected. She immediately froze and sprung up from Simeon which made him to realize that I was in the room.


Cynthia started looking for her clothes which was thrown far away to the east and north of the room, her erected nip*le dangling in front of her as she bent down wearing her pant hurriedly. The girl was not helping matters as her massive backside was turned to me. I swallowed hard as my konji started nodding its head underneath like agama lizard but the anger that was soaring through me that moment was more than enough to ki*ll the sexual urge.


“Jude, abeg no vex”, Simeon pleaded kneeling down. “i just say make I keep her company before you come back ni”, he added.


“you dey craze?” i asked rhetorically.


“Shey dat one mean say make u straff her ni?, if no be say you be my guy I for chop your eye too o”.


“No vex joor”, he said playfully whilst standing up.


“I no vex o, me sef go straff your
sheman one of these days”, I said with a serious expression on my face.


“You dey joke o?”


“I look like pesin wey dey joke for your eye ni?, na do me I do u, I go do for dis kain matter”.


Cynthia was fully dressed but was doing like aboki unable to pass because I hindered her from doing so.


“I can explain”, she said with fear in her eyes, her legs twitching uncomfortably.


“Hey! Cut the crap there, what is there to explain? Or you wanna explain how you enjoyed it abi?” I fired at her while she looked down playing with her fingers.


“I never knew you were a slu-t and a filthy whore. Abeg get out now before I descend on you”, I roared loudly with my baritone voice.


She immediately scurried away not
even turning back afraid of what I could do to her.


B.itch!. I hissed and faced my good for nothing friend.


“Jude biko, no vex”, he pleaded again while I eyed him with an evil glare.


I strode to the bed and picked up his iphone 7s which I had been praying to have since all these years but here is one and I won’t allow this slip by. I was about walking out on him when he stopped me.


“you dey carry my phone go?” he asked tentatively.


“Yes na, i wan use am teach u lesson ni”, I replied while he kept quiet probably thinking it over.


“Guy abeg no do me like dat o but you fit carry am only on one condition”


“what condition?”, I asked with full


“You go break my register record, you know say you and holmie no dey ever beat me when it comes to squashing”, he said grinning widely.

He was right, we’re never close to beating his record, not even for once. He straffs girls as though he earns income from it. He had once joked that he could forfeit 40 marks for a tantalizing pu$$y.

Who does that?


He had marked his register to 50 non-stop with girls coming in various sizes and shapes which earned him the name; ‘Minister of women affairs’.


I on my own part had only strived to mark 30 though, I was considered the baddest because girls flooded around me like swarm of bees but Simeon is always exceptional.


Long story short, I agreed with the deal and decided to carry out my nefarious action the next day.


Saturday came like flash. It was
morning and the sun was just coming out of its abode.
I rose up from the bed and stretched like a dog waking up from his slumber. My phone started ringing and I reached for it.


It was holmie, our third pal.


“Werey, how far”, he said in his cool but sexy voice.


“Guy, i swear the place too far”, I
replied sacastically while he laughed over the phone.


“I hear say you and Simeon get deal”.


“yes na but you know say na something wey I go do now now”.


“E be like say you dey joke, you think say you fit beat am?”.


“Forget that level joor, I go beat am pa”.


“I swear you no fit”.


“I no fit ba? No lele na, you just dey watch.”


I said and hung up the call angrily. Who he think say I be? Dopemu abi na ode. I go soon show them who I be. I quickly tidied up my room as I was expecting my girls to come so I can beat this m******** guy.


Not long after, i heard a knock on the door. I sprung up and made a dash for the door. I opened it to meet one of my bae. She looked sexy and beautiful in a red sleeveless top and a black tight mini skirt which showed all her curves. She was fair in complexion and had a Brazilian blonde hair banded in a pony tail.


“Would you stand there looking at me forever?”, she asked grinning,showing her white sparkling teeth.


“Oh my bad! Am sorry, i was lost in your beauty and uhm nice dress”, i complimented stepping aside for her to come in.


She walked in stylishly and was looking for a chair but there was none making the bed the only option for her to sit on.


“How have you been doing baby?”, I asked as I sat beside her on the bed.


“Its not baby, it’s Tracey”, she said in
the most sexiest voice I’ve ever heard.


“No, baby is more romantic than the name Tracey”, I joked tickling her while she giggled.


Tracey was my 25th girlfriend and it was just the second time we would be seeing each other though, she came all the way from uniabuja and she was in her final years while I was just a 300 level student.


“What would you like to take?”, i asked her, standing up.


“Erhm, i think am okay like this”, she
replied. “besides, i just ate noodles this morning”


“No problem then”.


I gave her my phone and she started checking pictures of me.


“wow! You look cute”, she grinned.


“That’s a lie joor, lemme see”, i said
reaching out for the phone but she
snapped it away making me to retreat. later, she asked of my earpiece which I gave to her and she plugged it into her ears and focused on whatever she was watching. She had this sexy aura lingering around her that would be irresistible for any rational guy.


Two upper buttons of her sleeve were open making me to catch a glimpse of her cleavage which kinda caused a mild commotion down my groins plus her exposed thighs. I itched when my konji sprung up already aroused by what I saw. For a moment, there was an awkward silence.


She became engrossed in what she was watching.

Then realization hit me very hard in da face.

I forgot, i had up to 100 hard core x-rated videos on my phone and am pretty sure that would be what she was watching. I slightly peeped in on her to ascertain my assumptions and I was right. She was too engrossed in it that she never knew when I came too close to her.


Omo, i must not dull myself o.


I started with rubbing her thighs slowly and gently but was
surprised because she never flinched or show discomfort to what I was doing.


E be like say dis girl is in da mood o.


I increased the intensity and changed the direction of my hands into her thighs and that was when she looked up at me with a glare. I subconsciously stopped and rubbed the back of my head awkwardly, acting shyly.


*You know na, precaution is the best
medicine to straff girls wey dey play hard to get.*


Tracey continued watching the video and became more serious. Chai! dis girl dey craze o.


I started deliberating on the next action to take but the ideas weren’t just forthcoming and out of exasperation, I took a precarious risk pushing her to the bed aggressively but gently enough not to get her hurt. I started kissing her intertwining her succulent lips but she didn’t kiss back. Instead, she closed her lips firmly and tried pushing me off her but I was damn too strong for her.


Suddenly, I stopped kissing her when I realized she wouldn’t be giving in anytime soon.


“Tracey”, I called in a soft tone which kept me wondering where it came from.


She looked at me with an imploring eyes, her black eyebrows complemented her dark blue eyes.


“You do realize I love you and my love for you is like Nigerian corruption because it can never end”. She smiled showing her cute dimples and I knew I had hit the right spot.


“Your beauty to me is like a glistening, sparkling diamond and your succulent lips is as sweet as the honey bee which makes me crying for more”, at this time, she didn’t only smile but drew me closer to herself, her hands round my neck. Then, slowly she brought her head towards mine, our lips just inches away.


“I love you, Jude”, she whispered into my ears and then kissed me longingly and passionately.


Ewe! i don win jackpot o!

We kissed for almost thirty minutes. No be small thing o my people but you think say na only kissing I wan do?
Na lie o, I must f**k and bang this girl make I hear her own Indian tone.


We smooched almost tearing each other apart, our lips still intertwined in a kiss but my hands nko?


The thing dey do hin own evil mission ni o.


My hands were just long pressing her soft a$$, I swear the thing soft pass agege bread.

I tell you.


Then she started moaning into my ears, it was like the Indian tone but featured naija.


“aww”, she moaned.


That’s the spirit!.


I changed the direction of my hands upward and pulled off her top. In no minutes, her bra was down too both flung in different areas whether na south or na north I just couldn’t tell.


Before you could say JACK. My mouth was on her nip*le sucking and draining life outta it. I continued sucking, nibbling the left boob while fondling the right with my free hand.


“I need you baby”, she sang into my ears. “I wanna feel you”.


Her moans increased which triggered me and a nasty smile emitted from my face which indicated that I was doing a great job.


Time to change gears!


I slipped my hands into her short skimpy skirt and shoved the red g-
strings pant she wore. I inserted a finger into her wet, dripping p*ssy and started finger f–king her while she moaned more loudly.


I knew my neighbors would know Jude have come again, so I took my phone with my right hand and started playing *Mad over you* by Runtown. Then, I remembered Simeon.


“Omo, mission is in progress”, I texted him with a tongue-out smiley and then continued the work God assigned to me.


I continued finger f**king her increasing my tempo while she gripped my head tightly.


“Abeg o”, I pleaded with a raised eyebrow but she was already in cloud9. I pulled down my trouser and freed my konji out of its cage but was shocked because it wasn’t erect but was rather limp and motionless.


“Blood of God! Wetin be dis?”, I shouted while Tracey opened her eyes to look at me.

She looked at me for a moment obviously not knowing why I shouted.
later, she closed her eyes expecting me to insert my shawarma into her punana.
I shook my konji vigorously hoping it would rise but it didn’t.


Beads of sweat had begun to form on my forehead. Even, if it is under the air conditioner I would still be sweating.


I continued shaking it vigorously but it didn’t give any sign that it would rise.


Ah! mogbe!


By now, Tracey was tired of waiting and she opened her eyes when she didn’t feel anything inside her.


“what is it nau?”, she inquired obviously still in the mood.


“No..nothing” I stuttered.


Ewo! Chineke mo!


I could feel the tears gathered in the corner of my eyes and could probably spill any moment.


“Don’t use CD, just put the dam-n thing inside me”, she said thinking I was searching for condom but it was far from it.
I have condoms in every part of the room, kitchen and bathroom inclusive.


God biko, have mercy on me!


I cried inwardly, This konji must not fall my hand o.


“Wait”, she said sitting uprightly on the bed, even her bare massive b**bs didn’t turn me on.

What type of thing is this one na?


“Are you…”, she paused pointing at my limp konji which refused to rise.


“Sterile?..”, I completed her statement in an askance manner.


“God forbid! No, am not o”, I said fearfully. How can a sane sensitive guy see a naked girl ready to be devoured and for his konji notto rise…

Who does that?


As a matter of fact, I f**ked four girls in that same week and here I am again but konji refuses to rise.


“I never knew you were okobo_”, Tracey said hurriedly wearing her clothes.


Chai! See insult, me okobo?


“I said am not!”, I yelled while she faced me with a deadly glare.


“Then why is your d**k malfunctioning?”


I kept quiet, looking perplexed at the damn f**king thing.


“please, never call me again”, she hissed loudly and stormed out of the room.


I fell on the bed immediately she left.


I am dead! moku!


Tears rolled down my cheeks and I sneezed at intervals. I used condoms on every girl I straffed but how did this happen?


Even, if i was to be infected by a disease, why not gonorrhea?


My phone buzzed with a message.I checked it, it was from Simeon.


“Your mission should be successful by now, I guess”, it read.


I picked up the phone and slammed it hard on the wall while the parts scattered and broke into unpickable pieces.


If I was to get out of this, I will never go near anything called p*ssy again not even in my afterlife.



The End.


  1. Kikikikiki guy ur sumtin is
    malfunctioning abi? Hmmmm
    na d winches nd winzches frm ur
    village o, infact u better run for
    ur life o.

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