I opened my door, got in and headed straight to the kitchen and saw the batter I mixed on the ground. I dropped it immediately I heard the news.
I bent to pick it up and clear up the now sticky mess, but felt myself unable to get up and the tears welling up, causing a burning sensation in my eyes as my thought trailed to earlier…..
�So how about we go see a movie�….. he pulled be closer to him and our both our bodies flushed together and he put his arm around my waist gently pressing butterfly kisses down my neck
�I…I… I stuttered biting down on my lower lip to stop the moan
�Or we could just stay here and do other things�…. he trailed, placing more wet kisses down my neck earning a moan from me
�I see, we’re going for the second option he snickered and I pulled away from him and he had a confused look on his face which turned to a smirk almost immediately
�So, room it is then he smirked even more causing to roll my eyes dramatically, like I didn’t like the idea he was giving
�No, I’m hungry I turned to walk away
�Okay then, restaurant it is he clapped. I turned to him, a coy smile tugging
�I was hoping a home cooked meal�, I walked up to him, placing my hands round his neck. I gave him a passionate kiss, smiled and bit down on his lower lip and tracing my hands teasingly down his shirt to his lower abdomen. I withdrew to look him in the eyes and smiled mentally from the reaction I got. �And we could do something else later� I whispered in his ears brushing my lips purposely on his earlobe and a moan escaped his lips. I turned to face him biting my bottom lip seductively
�Just say the word and it’s done, he rushed, his eyes now filled with lust
�So, I was thinking something really sweet, like honey, pineapple, sugar and syrup all mixed into one, kind of sweet, I batted my lashes seductively, enjoying this way too much
�Are you pregnant?� he questioned, looking a bit serious but then smirked
�What? I asked, confused by his question
�I heard, when a lady gets pregnant, she gets all sorts of crazy cravings. So, I’m just wondering he added looking down at my stomach
�I’m not pregnant� I gritted out. �I’m gonna be in the kitchen. I pulled free from him and turned on my way
�I love you, he yelled out and I could sense the smirk in his tone. I scoffed and disappeared into the kitchen…..
A tear rolled down my cheek and into the batter. I snifled and got up,wiping the tears away, I threw the batter into the sink, suddenly not in the mood to clean up anymore. I grabbed a snack instead and a big bowl of ice cream from the fridge, glad Mimi developed ice cream craving and started stocking the freezer with it
I made my way to the sitting room, took a dvd, inserted it in and plopped on the couch lazily, picked my bowl of ice cream and scooped a spoonful in my mouth not minding the brain freeze I got, actually welcoming it. Maybe if my brain froze it will eventually numb out my heart and I’d stop feeling like my heart got run over by a truck. But that was too far fetched, when the voice over of Hazel Grace came up after the opening credits.
The fault in our stars…. not sure why I picked this particular movie, but I guess I needed an excuse to cry and the movie felt like the perfect excuse
I scooped another spoonful as it melted in my tongue, now getting used to the coldness
A knock sounded, causing me to groan. I put my bowl down, pressed pause and went to check who was at the door but was shocked when I saw George at the standing by the door smiling, like we didn’t have a fight hours ago
George: Can I come in?
I moved aside letting him in. I have nothing to lose anyway, except my mind that is
He got in and sat on the couch seeing my bowl of ice cream and my snack
George: you having a party?
He questioned turning to me as I went to picked the bowl up and pressed play in my movie not minding why he’s here anymore
Me: Nah,I’m just having a mental breakdown and feel like drowning out my sorrows, and what better way to do that than watching an emotional movie about cancer and a bowl of this
I raised the bowl up for emphasis, lowered it and took another scoop, cringing from the coldness
Geroge: It’s all my fault, isn’t it?
His head fell
Me: On the contrary actually. My best friend is in the hospital, probably in pain and I broke up with my boyfriend. So, it’s not….
His head shot up immediately staring at me as if for more clarification
Me: I think I’m gonna need something stronger
I got up and headed for the fridge, ignoring his inquisitive eyes. I came back holding a red wine with two glasses. I popped it open, poured a glass for myself and then for him. �Cheers� I raised my glass up, eyeing for him to take his while he sat staring a bit confused and worriedly at me. He finally took it and our both glasses clanked. I downed it in one go cringing from the hot trail that followed from my throat down to my stomach while he looked at me flustered
George: Are you okay Lizzy?
Me: Of course, why wouldn’t I be?
I poured another glass and downed it, liking the feeling I was getting from it. This is gonna be good,alchohol makes everything better….. I muttered, and was about pouring another glass but was stopped when George took away the bottle from my hands
George: I think you’ve had enough.
I scowled and looked up to him throwing him a dirty look. He should know better than to take a girls alcohol from her
Me: I can very much assure you that I’m not drunk enough ( I gritted out) so please give it back
George: What is going on with you Lizzy…. Are you okay?
He looked up to me worriedly
Me: Just peachy. Now give me back my bottle
I replied stretching my hand towards him, covering my sad demeanour with a killer scowl. George noticing my attitude, stared for a while before handing over the bottle to me
�Thanks, I replied with a plastic smile then poured myself another round and gulped it down still cringing from the effect I was getting I my stomach and now my entire being. I placed the glass down now feeling a bit dizzy. I was never a drinker. I looked up to George who had a sad/pitiful look on his face
Me: Don’t look at me like that
George: like how?
Me: like it’s your fault
George: it is my fault. You broke up with your boyfriend cause of me
Me: No actually it isn’t. And you’ve got to stop saying that. You’re not the problem. You’re actually the opposite. You’re just one of many mess ups and I just want a time alone and you’re here being you like nothing happened hours ago between us and I’m just so not… I paused when I felt the welling up in my eyes and I bent my instinctly to hide the tears
I blinked the tears away, sniffled and looked back at him
Me: Why are you here George?
He stared back at me clearly distraught and my mental breakdown not helping in any way
George: I came to check up on you, and even apologize…
�No, no, I cut him off. You’re not supposed to apologize, you’re supposed to hate me. I gazed down at the table before us, not wanting to look at him anymore.
�You’re supposed to not want to see me anymore, I sniffled, trying to blink the tears away but failing. I’m a horrible person and I don’t deserve your care. I’m a horrible b�tch and I….I…. I trailed unable to get the right words to describe myself now
�No you’re not, he raised my chin up to look at him. I shook my head and averted my gaze
�I am and you know it. You’re this nice guy that any girl would ki*ll for. Yea you’re mom’s a bit crazy but, you’re nice, caring, affectionate, loving, and any girl would’ve jumped right at you happily, but I’m the crazy b�tch who has less affection than a dead goldfish. I couldn’t even reciprocate your love my body shook from my silent sobs and I felt the wine now working it’s magic
�I know� was the reply that came. I whipped my head up immediately, not minding the tears trailing down
George: I know you weren’t in love with me. Not the way I wanted anyway, but at least you had love for me and I was happy. And you loved, actually do have love in you. But it wasn’t for me
Me: you knew?
More tears trailed down and my vision of him got a bit blurry. But I could make out his nodding
George: you remember when we met in school?
I croaked, the sobs now clogging my throat
George: and you remember how you told me off when I wanted to return your purse
I nodded instead, now feeling the inability to utter another word
George: I wanted to actually talk you, always wanted too. You were this quiet girl that always kept to herself and very beautiful, and I was intrigued. I thought to use your lost but found purse to get to you but you snapped instead and I found myself even more interested even when I knew you had a boyfriend.(he looked up to me to see if I was listening, and I was, drunk but still listening) then you apologized later on and I used the opportunity to get to have lunch with you. Later on I heard you’re boyfriend dumped you and left, and it kinda made me happy, I know it shouldn’t have but it did, cause then I thought I might have a chance even if it meant being just friends. And as time went on I fell deeply in love with you as we became close, but I was scared to tell you as I thought you wouldn’t feel same way but was glad when you said yes to being my girlfriend. When I finally asked. I thought maybe you’d fall in love with me with time but you never did. You tried, you loved me and I was very happy for that, but you were never in love with me. It had always been him….
He trailed, looking away seemingly sad and I was weeping uncontrollably. He came closer and wiped tears away with his thumb, smiling a little at me
George: But you know the best part?
I shook my head slowly
George: I got to love you, and that’s okay for me
Hearing that, I broke down and started crying openly and bitterly. He came and pulled me in for a comforting hug but my cry didn’t stop, but got intensified instead while he rubbed circles round my back and made sshhing sounds and saying comforting words to me
Me: I tried, I croaked, and I almost convinced myself that I did at some point, but I was wrong,I couldn’t. I thought something was wrong with me I sniffled, more tears trailing down my cheeks, wetting his shirt but I couldn’t help it
George: Nothing was wrong with you, we just weren’t the right fit for each other
Me: I’m so sorry (I pulled away to look at him) I’m really, really sorry. You must have hated and blamed me
George: you shouldn’t be. I wanted to, but I couldn’t
Me: I’m a horrible person (I muttered under my breath) I broke up with him and I didn’t even tell him why. I can’t even tell him why( I corrected)
George: You know, I had a girlfriend
I looked up, more shocked than stunned
George: she was really nice, she was everything I wanted in a woman, beauty, brains, good heart and loving. She told me she loved me and I couldn’t say it back because I met you the day before, and I thought I wanted you back even after we broke up. I got greedy and thought I could have you again. But then I lost her cause she said I was still hooked to my ex, and she was right. I lost the best thing that happened to me after you, and I didn’t even realise it until now. Don’t make the same mistake I did
Me: But I don’t wanna hurt him. I want to protect him
George: But you’re already hurting him and yourself too
Me: You don’t understand. No one will
George: then make me understand Liz, at least let me in. I can help if only….
�Janet’s gonna hurt him, she’s gonna hurt everyone I love� I cut him off, fresh tears now trailing down my cheek as I stared intently at the half empty bottle.
…to be continued