Tears On My Pillow – Episode 12

TEARS ON MY PILLOW – Episode 12

©Tisa Phiri
All Rights Reserved

I waited another hour no one came to open the gate. ” where could they be?” I wondered and my feet started getting cold.

” what if?, Oh, no way I stopped my thought, they must be out somewhere. But then how possible is it that they went with all the workers?” I felt panick building up.

I turned to leave making a note to come back later in the afternoon. A few meters down the road a man stopped me.

“hey are you Jenala?” He asked.

” Yes” I said turning to see who was talking. I noticed I had seen the man at the farm before.

” I have something for you, Mrs Mwape told me to give you.” He handed me a note.

“what do you mean? Where is she?” I asked my heart begining to race. “mmmn I think it’s best you read this for yourself dear” he said handing me the note.

Before I could open it the man went back and disappeared in the small bushes he had emerged from. I opened the note,

“Dear Jena.

By the time you read this am sure we would be gone. sorry that you won’t be able to see your daughter again. we took a DNA test and so we know the truth. unfortunately my husband and I are not willing to let Grace go. you decided to give her as a gift to us. Anyway, we wish you all the best in life. We hope God will give you more children in future. Don’t even bother looking for us, you won’t find us. forget about our baby and move on.

Mr and Mrs Mwape.”

“No no no..” I shouted aloud my whole body shaking.

” this can’t be. my God what’s this? How did they know.” I crampled down on the road not minding the dirty. I felt my stomac pain like the time i was giving birth.

” no it can’t be… what have I done? my God please don’t do this to me, please don’t do purnish me please.” I cried out..

I had been sitting on the road for 30 minutes my face covered in tears. A woman came by.

” are you okey my child? ” she asked.

“am not fine mama” I told her

” my life is over.”

“why ? happened here?” She asked kneeling close to me.

“You won’t understand mama.you wont” I said lifting myself from the ground.

She looked at me with pity and concern.

” I can’t understand your pain my child but am sure someone out there does.”

I looked at her.. “mama no one will ever undrstand my pain right now no one.” I shook my head my eyes running.

“oh yes !” she insisted.

” someone does, he’s name is Jesus. He knows your pain, take it to him my child.” She smiled. I looked at her not even believing her words.

At the moment it wasn’t time for preaching, of course I knew Jesus. but if I had betrayed him how on earth would he even understand

me.

“thank you mama” I said aloud just to push her away. I walked away without minding the tears in my face .

I was almost home when I met Jim. “hey Jena !where are you coming from.? hey what’s wrong ” he asked when he saw my red eyes.

“nothing Jim, just leave me alone already its not the time for your silly jokes.” I snapped.

He tried to grab my hands and i turned and slapped him on his face.

“Leave me alone already !” I screamed.

” well, well!” he raised his hands in surrender.

“take it easy girl ” he smiked

“am just a concerned person trying to help you.”

I walked away a few steps towards my house i felt light headed. Before I could take another step everthing went dark.

2 hours latter I woke up. looked around me, I was in the hospital. I was confused.

“where am I?” I asked , turning, I saw uncle and Jim in the room.

“easy Jena ” uncle came close to me.

“you collapse 2 hours ago, luckily Jim saw you and rushed to inform me. You are now in the hospital.” He spoke softly.

” but what’s wrong with me?” I looked at a drip of water connected to my hands.

” the Doctor said you were in shock . That’s what I want to know as well Jena what’s wrong with you.?” He asked.

“Oh God ! ” I whispered after remembering what had happened my girl was gone. how could I even explain that to uncle?. Instead of answering his question tears rolled from my eyes. I could feel the pain on my throat. Like there was something stuck up there.

Uncle got even more concerned “please tell me what’s wrong?” He pleaded.

” I can’t uncle, I can’t it’s hard for me. I can’t even understand it myself. ” I cried even more.

” it’s okey dear” uncle tried to comfort me.

“no uncle, it will never be ok” I shook my head and a few minutes later I went dark again.

By the time I woke up the room was quite I was alone. I tried to sit up but I couldnt my whole body was heavy. my mouth felt dry. I tried to speak up but I couldnt

” God help me !” my inner voice prayed. Tears rolled down my face uncontrollably. I heard the door open and I saw mom, aunty Nelly and Uncle walk in. My mom ran to me

“what is it my Jena what happened to you? ” she asked worried.

I could see her crying,

“you won’t understand ” my inner voice responded, I couldn’t speak. Everyone’s faces where so sad i even felt more pain. even aunty Nelly was shedding tears, her husband held her close as they watched me.

The doctor came in and examined me.

“she’s still in shock and I think she’s depressed something must have happened ” he sighed

“but untill she responds we won’t know how to help her. if she continues this way she might have stroke, am afraid” he added.

“stroke!” aunty shouted.

“no. what can we do Doctor? Please help us.”

” it’s up to her to easy up so that she’s out of depression.” the Doctor shrugged before moving out.

Mom came close..

” I beg you my daughter, please don’t do this to me, please. have pity for me your poor mother. You are our hope in this family. please what ever happened to you, let me help you I beg you in the name of God.”

I could only respond with tears nothing else came out of me. I

So badily wanted to tell her I lost part of me, that i was so foolish and clouded with the desire to become a better person and forgot to look at what was so important in my life. my selfishness lead me to the moment. I was such a looser, now I was useless. Even Ben wouldnt love me any more I was evil.” I kept thinking to myself.

My phone tone rang and Uncle looked at the phone in his hands and went out.

“who could it be?” I asked myself .M y mind wondered away.

I tried to think of where my baby could be. By then, she was obviously walking. since they last time i saw her she was taking her first steps.

oh no.. I won’t be able to hear her speak or call me mom. I won’t be there when she plays around running up and down and play with her toys.

I won’t see my baby start pre school. ” I kept thinking.

It was my punishment for being so naive and stupid. I wished I could die right that moment. what was life worthy anyway? without my little Angel, my life lost all meaning.

.. In Russia

Ben….

I have been trying to call her for hours,

“why won’t she answer my calls?” I wondered. I didn’t understand the other day she told me she was going to visit home on the weekend. but now she wasn’t picking my calls or even respond to my text.

Oliver came in with his new girlfriend a coloured girl as I struggled with myself. I remember him bragging that she was the one this time around.

“you always say that man ” I teased him and it had been almost two months.

“maybe he trully had found her I thought to myself. The girl was so beautiful, an American. I just hoped she was really the one for my friend.

” hey Trina” I greeted as they entered the room.

“hey Ben !” she asnswered.

I decided to give them some privacy So I stood to walk away.

“See u later guys.” I waved at them

I decided to try call Jena again after i was outside

“pick up! pick up!” I whispered as the phone continued ringing. Then I heard a man’s voice respond.

“who is this he asked?” What the hell, i felt jealousy mounting up.

” who are you answering Jena’s phone? ” I snapped sounding upset.

” this is her uncle ” the man on the other side answered.

“Oh sorry, ” I quickly responded

” and Where is Jena ?” i inquired.

” Jena is in the hospital and she cannot talk right now ” he said.

” what? what happened ?” I asked getting worried.

“we don’t know young man” her uncle told me.

“But I saw lots of Missed calls from you so I thought I should tell you, who are you young man?” he asked.

” and what’s your deal with my niece?” he added.

“don’t get me wrong, Jena is depressed and in shock right now so am just trying to figure out what happened to her” I heard him breath out.

“Oh my God shock? um.. uncle am Ben” I finally told him.

“Ben from bana Junior your neighbour, am studying in Russia and Jena is my friend” I explained.

“Well I remember you Ben, so do you have any idea what happened to her? ”

“No uncle ” I said honestly.

“I am blank too”

“ok then, good day” he responded before cutting the line.

I sat down, wondering,

“what happened to you my love? why won’t you let me know?”

I felt some sharp pain in my chest. I wished she had told told something. ” but why my love? Is it me or what.” I couldn’t help wonder even more.

I had two weeks before my graduation but I was doubting if I was ever going to manage wait that long. I felt a strong urge that she needed me.

“Damn! the university with its policies. I wont be able to get my papers without attending graduation. Damn !” I cursed loudly. some ladies passing by the pavements near where I sat looked at me and smiled widely.

” oh no way..” I shook my head, they thought I was talking about their buts.

How crazy the girls in the University could be. I waved at them just to make sure they wouldn’t think I was a weirdo. One of them even shouted,

” hey handsome.. ! ”

I had to move before I got myself so much attention. I headed to the fountain, i needed to pray for my Jena, my Christian instincts told me to.

Story continues…

 

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