The Undisputed Episode 18
Mattie paced around the hospital passage as the doctor attended to her mother. A few moments before she was talking to her, More like asking for her child to forgive her even when it didnt come out exactly as an apology.
” Mattie, things have not been easy for me as well. I was made to start taking care of a child at a very tender age. My mother neglecting me and leaving me to go through the roughest patch in my life alone.
I wanted to stay strong but i couldn’t. It was hard to love you and your siater when i had so much on my plate” she sighed in her sick bed as Mattie stood besides her.
That day, two days after she was admitted, Mattie was alone at the hospital. Her friends had left the following day and promised to go back and see her. It was at the time she was waiting for them to come as promised that her mother called her to the bedside.
” mom, you have no excuse to do what you did to us. You forced two girls under the age of 15 into prostitution. You bore us mother, how could you? No matter how tough things were there’s nothing you will say that will justify your actions.” Mattie cried this time failing to control the pain she had held for a long time.
” i know you hate me but am sure one day you will understand my pain. You will have children too and just then when things are hard you will come to understand me Matilda. I loved you in my own way. We had no option, what i was making wasnt enough and besides men who slept with you paid more” she coughed making Mattie spite her even more.
” you know what mother, am only here because i dont want your death on my conscious. I want to help you as much as i can so that i free myself from you. You are not worthy to be called a mother ” Mattie sobbed tears falling her face as she scolded her mother.
She was almost saying something but Mattie turned to walk away.
” just get well already, i can’t stand being here with you. I want to go where i belong and its evident its not besides you” she spat walking out her chest filled with pain. Pain of her mother who seemed to have a hard heart she wouldn’t see her own child’s pain. She was so hard hearted she couldn’t feel remorse for what she made her children go through.
Mattie walked outside to have some time to herself. She sat down on one of the hospital sheds tears in her eyes.
” hey Mattie!” She heard a familiar voice calling out to her.
Turning instantly to face the owner of the voice, she was astonished to see Kelly standing besides her dressed in a black jeans and blue plain shirt which gave away his skin colour. His neat face with deep eyes staring at her with concern.
” what are you doing here?” Mattie quickly wiped the tears in her eyes turning away from him.
” why are you crying Mattie? ” Kelly responded instead.
” go away from me Kelly, i don’t know how you managed to find me and i dont care. Just leave already!” She spoke loudly witbout turning her head. Deep down she felt that instant joy fill her heart. Bringing back every feeling she had thought she managed to fight for 3 years.
” i can’t ” Kelly responded sitting next to her.
” i have been waiting for days to have this chance to talk to you and i will not let it pass” he smiled.
” i see, you followed Thandi and Sali. Well, what do you want Kelly? You have come to take advantage of me again.? To blackmail me into sleeping with you so that my friends and i won’t go to jail? Well, too bad my dear cause right now i don’t give a damn where i am. I have had the worst and nothing will scare me anymore. My pathetic mother there is living her last miserable days, am barren thanks to you. Do whatever the hell you please Kelly. I don’t give a damn!” She told him tears rolling down her cheeks she couldnt contain her pain.
“Mattie, please stop it. Am not here for that” Kelly tried to hold her but she stood away from him.
” what do you want then Kelly! What the hell do you want from me? Am empty inside here, my life has not been easy, i tried, i swear i try to be patient but i can’t always be strong. Every time i think of my past i can’t forget the faces of the men that i was forced to sleep with. They tore my inside out. I swear i hate men, i hate my damn life. To add to the wounds you came to purnish me Kelly. You forced me, just like those animals from my childhood, you made me sleep with you even when i begged you time and again not to.
As though that wasnt enough, i got pregnant and you made me kill my children. I killed them and now i have no chance of ever being a mother. Maybe, just maybe i could have had a chance to correct my mother’s mistakes. But its all gone. I am bound to this innner sadness and no matter how much strong i pretend to be, i will still feel the void inside me. Am so tired. So tired i feel like i can’t go on. I i…. i can’t ” she cried sadily Kelly felt a huge lamp in his chest.
He had never anticipated or seen that side of Mattie and seeing her so broken left him feel the intense regret for his actions. What was he to do now that the damage was already done?
His eyes were filled with tears. He tried to speak but his voice hanged in his throat.
” Mattie, am so sorry, i really dont know how to tell you am sorry. Am sorry i am part of the people that has made you this way. I swear i wish i could change things. ” he finally spoke his voice coming out different from his usual one.
” well you said it, you cant do anything now. Just leave me alone!” She shook her head stepping forward to leave his side.
” wait!” He held her hand and looked at her sad and crying face.
” please don’t leave me ” he stammered.
Mattie looked up his face not knowing exactly what he meant but still she didnt bother to ask him.
” i love you” he whispered seriously
” what?” Mattie now shocked looked up his face.
” yes Mattie, i love you. I didn’t just see it but what i feel for you is deep. I missed you so much and i tried to look for you. I need you Mattie please don’t throw me out. Let me help you heal from your pains. Allow me in your life. I know i can’t redo the damage but i can try to make you happy please!” Kelly pleaded holding her hands still as she sobbed.
Mattie shook her head. The words of Kelly leaving her weak for a second she felt vulnerable. Like she could throw herself on him and let him easy her pain. But the thoughts of the past and Kelly’s Wife floaded her thoughts and she realised it was too good to be true.
” no, no please leave” she withdrew her hand stepping backwards.
” Please ” Kelly held on.
” i said no!” Mattie yelled this time.
” i said leave me alone Kelly. Go back to your wife and never come back again!” She shouted pushing him away.
” i never want to see you again. I hate you!” she added walking away feom him leaving Kelly planted to the ground he couldn’t move.
” i will never go away Mattie. I will come back cause i love you and i know you don’t hate me. I love you! ” kelly shouted making sure she got him but she didnt turn to look back.
Mattie ran towards the hospital door and walked in hurriedly like she was running away from something terrible.
” Mattie, come with me!” A female nurse rushed to her immediately she settled down on the bench trying to compose herself.
” what is it sister?” She stood following the nurse.
” your mother is not doing fine mattie. She’s has been rushed to the ICU the doctors are attending to her now” the nurse informed her.
” is she going to be okey?” Mattie asked trying so hard to prevent the water she was feeling clouding her eyes.
” we pray for God to interfere, she’s not doing well am sorry” the nurse shook her head.
Since then she had been pacing around waiting for any news from the doctors inside. She couldnt keep calm. Mattie didnt know she would feel like that for her mother.
” Doctor, how is she?” She startled seeing the doctor walk out of the ICU.
” am sorry my child. There’s nothing we could do for her anymore. She’s gone” the doctor informed her and Mattie nodded her head her hand to her mouth.
” am sorry ” the doctor patted her back.
Mattie sat back on the bench crying. Reliving the few good times she had with her mother. She knew deep in her heart she still loved her mother very much. The pain she made her go through covered it up but she didn’t know her death would make her feel so much pain.
” Mattie, oh Mattie sweety am so sorry” Thandi walked to her. She just got in and from the look on her face, she knew the worst had happened.
” stay strong my love. Am so sorry” Thandi cried too hugging her friend so close she could feel her heart beat as Mattie cried.
” i can’t believe i am crying for that woman Thandi, she was so terrible but she was my mother it hurts so much that she’s gone my friend. It so much hurts Thandi. She couldn’t even try to make things right. She has gone without amending her deeds. I swear i could have forgiven her. All she could have done is show remorse and ask me to. I loved her still Thandi, i loved her but now she’s left me.” Mattie sobbed loudly.
” i know, i know the pain Mattie. She was your mother. She has done teriible things to you but she was still your mother and it hurts she’s gone. I promise the pain will get better” Thandi rubbed her back.
She let her cry on her shoulder for some time. Before she held her up.
” we have to go” she whispered in her ears.
” i don’t even know of any relatives near by, i can’t call anyone. How am i going to host a funeral for her Thandi?” Mattie shook her head. ” am just a girl and i know nothing. What do i do now?”
” shshshshs don’t worry yourself sweety. We will figure it out. I came with the company vehicle. Am sure Sali and Joe will get here soon. We will figure everything out my friend . Together we will, i promise you that. We won’t leave you alone” Thandi wipped Mattie”s tears
© Tisa Phiri
To be continued