I opened my door, got in and headed straight to the kitchen and saw the batter I mixed on the ground. I dropped it immediately I heard the news.
I bent to pick it up and clear up the now sticky mess, but felt myself unable to get up and the tears welling up, causing a burning sensation in my eyes as my thought trailed to earlier…..
“So how about we go see a movie”….. he pulled be closer to him and our both our bodies flushed together and he put his arm around my waist gently pressing butterfly kisses down my neck
“I…I… I stuttered biting down on my lower lip to stop the moan
“Or we could just stay here and do other things”…. he trailed, placing more wet kisses down my neck earning a moan from me
“I see, we’re going for the second option he snickered and I pulled away from him and he had a confused look on his face which turned to a smirk almost immediately
“So, room it is then he smirked even more causing to roll my eyes dramatically, like I didn’t like the idea he was giving
“No, I’m hungry I turned to walk away
“Okay then, restaurant it is he clapped. I turned to him, a coy smile tugging
“I was hoping a home cooked meal”, I walked up to him, placing my hands round his neck. I gave him a passionate kiss, smiled and bit down on his lower lip and tracing my hands teasingly down his shirt to his lower abdomen. I withdrew to look him in the eyes and smiled mentally from the reaction I got. “And we could do something else later” I whispered in his ears brushing my lips purposely on his earlobe and a moan escaped his lips. I turned to face him biting my bottom lip seductively
“Just say the word and it’s done, he rushed, his eyes now filled with lust
“So, I was thinking something really sweet, like honey, pineapple, sugar and syrup all mixed into one, kind of sweet, I batted my lashes seductively, enjoying this way too much
“Are you pregnant?” he questioned, looking a bit serious but then smirked
“What? I asked, confused by his question
“I heard, when a lady gets pregnant, she gets all sorts of crazy cravings. So, I’m just wondering he added looking down at my stomach
“I’m not pregnant” I gritted out. “I’m gonna be in the kitchen. I pulled free from him and turned on my way
“I love you, he yelled out and I could sense the smirk in his tone. I scoffed and disappeared into the kitchen…..
A tear rolled down my cheek and into the batter. I snifled and got up,wiping the tears away, I threw the batter into the sink, suddenly not in the mood to clean up anymore. I grabbed a snack instead and a big bowl of ice cream from the fridge, glad Mimi developed ice cream craving and started stocking the freezer with it
I made my way to the sitting room, took a dvd, inserted it in and plopped on the couch lazily, picked my bowl of ice cream and scooped a spoonful in my mouth not minding the brain freeze I got, actually welcoming it. Maybe if my brain froze it will eventually numb out my heart and I’d stop feeling like my heart got run over by a truck. But that was too far fetched, when the voice over of Hazel Grace came up after the opening credits.
The fault in our stars…. not sure why I picked this particular movie, but I guess I needed an excuse to cry and the movie felt like the perfect excuse
I scooped another spoonful as it melted in my tongue, now getting used to the coldness
A knock sounded, causing me to groan. I put my bowl down, pressed pause and went to check who was at the door but was shocked when I saw George at the standing by the door smiling, like we didn’t have a fight hours ago
George: Can I come in?
I moved aside letting him in. I have nothing to lose anyway, except my mind that is
He got in and sat on the couch seeing my bowl of ice cream and my snack
George: you having a party?
He questioned turning to me as I went to picked the bowl up and pressed play in my movie not minding why he’s here anymore
Me: Nah,I’m just having a mental breakdown and feel like drowning out my sorrows, and what better way to do that than watching an emotional movie about cancer and a bowl of this
I raised the bowl up for emphasis, lowered it and took another scoop, cringing from the coldness
Geroge: It’s all my fault, isn’t it?
His head fell
Me: On the contrary actually. My best friend is in the hospital, probably in pain and I broke up with my boyfriend. So, it’s not….
His head shot up immediately staring at me as if for more clarification
Me: I think I’m gonna need something stronger
I got up and headed for the fridge, ignoring his inquisitive eyes. I came back holding a red wine with two glasses. I popped it open, poured a glass for myself and then for him. “Cheers” I raised my glass up, eyeing for him to take his while he sat staring a bit confused and worriedly at me. He finally took it and our both glasses clanked. I downed it in one go cringing from the hot trail that followed from my throat down to my stomach while he looked at me flustered
George: Are you okay Lizzy?
Me: Of course, why wouldn’t I be?
I poured another glass and downed it, liking the feeling I was getting from it. This is gonna be good,alchohol makes everything better….. I muttered, and was about pouring another glass but was stopped when George took away the bottle from my hands
George: I think you’ve had enough.
I scowled and looked up to him throwing him a dirty look. He should know better than to take a girls alcohol from her
Me: I can very much assure you that I’m not drunk enough ( I gritted out) so please give it back
George: What is going on with you Lizzy…. Are you okay?
He looked up to me worriedly
Me: Just peachy. Now give me back my bottle
I replied stretching my hand towards him, covering my sad demeanour with a killer scowl. George noticing my attitude, stared for a while before handing over the bottle to me
“Thanks, I replied with a plastic smile then poured myself another round and gulped it down still cringing from the effect I was getting I my stomach and now my entire being. I placed the glass down now feeling a bit dizzy. I was never a drinker. I looked up to George who had a sad/pitiful look on his face
Me: Don’t look at me like that
George: like how?
Me: like it’s your fault
George: it is my fault. You broke up with your boyfriend cause of me
Me: No actually it isn’t. And you’ve got to stop saying that. You’re not the problem. You’re actually the opposite. You’re just one of many mess ups and I just want a time alone and you’re here being you like nothing happened hours ago between us and I’m just so not… I paused when I felt the welling up in my eyes and I bent my instinctly to hide the tears
I blinked the tears away, sniffled and looked back at him
Me: Why are you here George?
He stared back at me clearly distraught and my mental breakdown not helping in any way
George: I came to check up on you, and even apologize…
“No, no, I cut him off. You’re not supposed to apologize, you’re supposed to hate me. I gazed down at the table before us, not wanting to look at him anymore.
“You’re supposed to not want to see me anymore, I sniffled, trying to blink the tears away but failing. I’m a horrible person and I don’t deserve your care. I’m a horrible bítch and I….I…. I trailed unable to get the right words to describe myself now
“No you’re not, he raised my chin up to look at him. I shook my head and averted my gaze
“I am and you know it. You’re this nice guy that any girl would kill for. Yea you’re mom’s a bit crazy but, you’re nice, caring, affectionate, loving, and any girl would’ve jumped right at you happily, but I’m the crazy bítch who has less affection than a dead goldfish. I couldn’t even reciprocate your love my body shook from my silent sobs and I felt the wine now working it’s magic
“I know” was the reply that came. I whipped my head up immediately, not minding the tears trailing down
George: I know you weren’t in love with me. Not the way I wanted anyway, but at least you had love for me and I was happy. And you loved, actually do have love in you. But it wasn’t for me
Me: you knew?
More tears trailed down and my vision of him got a bit blurry. But I could make out his nodding
George: you remember when we met in school?
I croaked, the sobs now clogging my throat
George: and you remember how you told me off when I wanted to return your purse
I nodded instead, now feeling the inability to utter another word
George: I wanted to actually talk you, always wanted too. You were this quiet girl that always kept to herself and very beautiful, and I was intrigued. I thought to use your lost but found purse to get to you but you snapped instead and I found myself even more interested even when I knew you had a boyfriend.(he looked up to me to see if I was listening, and I was, drunk but still listening) then you apologized later on and I used the opportunity to get to have lunch with you. Later on I heard you’re boyfriend dumped you and left, and it kinda made me happy, I know it shouldn’t have but it did, cause then I thought I might have a chance even if it meant being just friends. And as time went on I fell deeply in love with you as we became close, but I was scared to tell you as I thought you wouldn’t feel same way but was glad when you said yes to being my girlfriend. When I finally asked. I thought maybe you’d fall in love with me with time but you never did. You tried, you loved me and I was very happy for that, but you were never in love with me. It had always been him….
He trailed, looking away seemingly sad and I was weeping uncontrollably. He came closer and wiped tears away with his thumb, smiling a little at me
George: But you know the best part?
I shook my head slowly
George: I got to love you, and that’s okay for me
Hearing that, I broke down and started crying openly and bitterly. He came and pulled me in for a comforting hug but my cry didn’t stop, but got intensified instead while he rubbed circles round my back and made sshhing sounds and saying comforting words to me
Me: I tried, I croaked, and I almost convinced myself that I did at some point, but I was wrong,I couldn’t. I thought something was wrong with me I sniffled, more tears trailing down my cheeks, wetting his shirt but I couldn’t help it
George: Nothing was wrong with you, we just weren’t the right fit for each other
Me: I’m so sorry (I pulled away to look at him) I’m really, really sorry. You must have hated and blamed me
George: you shouldn’t be. I wanted to, but I couldn’t
Me: I’m a horrible person (I muttered under my breath) I broke up with him and I didn’t even tell him why. I can’t even tell him why( I corrected)
George: You know, I had a girlfriend
I looked up, more shocked than stunned
George: she was really nice, she was everything I wanted in a woman, beauty, brains, good heart and loving. She told me she loved me and I couldn’t say it back because I met you the day before, and I thought I wanted you back even after we broke up. I got greedy and thought I could have you again. But then I lost her cause she said I was still hooked to my ex, and she was right. I lost the best thing that happened to me after you, and I didn’t even realise it until now. Don’t make the same mistake I did
Me: But I don’t wanna hurt him. I want to protect him
George: But you’re already hurting him and yourself too
Me: You don’t understand. No one will
George: then make me understand Liz, at least let me in. I can help if only….
“Janet’s gonna hurt him, she’s gonna hurt everyone I love” I cut him off, fresh tears now trailing down my cheek as I stared intently at the half empty bottle.
…to be continued