IJA AWELE


By Ifechi Kelly





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,”I want my daddy,” she sobbed as Aunty Lana tried to soothe her. “Where is my daddy?”

 Olanna was at a loss of words as she watched the child lamenting. She was at the brink of tears herself. After all the poor child had been through, this just seemed so unfair.

 “My angel, your daddy is fine, he’ll soon be back,” she tried to console her.

 “When Aunty Lana? When? That’s what you said last night,” she said sobbing

.

 Olanna, also called Lana by friends and family, hugged the crying child close to her bosom. It was so disheartening to watch her bony body as it was racking with sobs but for the moment she knew ten year-old Awele was better off with a lie.

 “It’s all right Awele, your daddy will be home soon.”
       
                                                                        ****

Ije Awele, also called Awele for short was more worldly-wise and smarter than most children her age. She knew more than anyone thought she did including her parents who still regarded her as a baby. She had known for years of the financial difficulties her family was passing through even though her parents had tried to hide it from her. She had not meant to stumble upon them arguing that fateful night, five years ago to know that her father had not been the one paying her fees and her mother had lied to her about who had been taking care of the family’s bills.

 “You left the house as early as 6 a.m today, only to come back home with stories and more stories. What do you take me for Daniel?”

 “Nneka please bring down your voice, it’s almost 11 p.m. The neighbors will have an earful.”

 “Which stupid neighbors? Who cares about whether they get an earful or not. If any of them live with a good-for-nothing man like you, an *efulefu, they will do more than give their neighbors an earful.”

 “Fine! Continue screaming all you want, after all I am not the pastor that will stand on the pulpit on Sunday to tell wives to be submissive to their husbands.”

 “*Kitikpa racha gi anya! Even 1st Timothy 5:8 states clearly that he who does not provide for those of his own house is worse than an infidel.”

 “B-but that’s hardly fair. You and I know that when I was still working in this house I took care of the family. Its not my fault that my company fired me. I am trying to do my best h—“

 “Well your best is not enough Daniel and I am tired of carrying the burden of the family alone while you walk around telling me stories, *inugo? I am tired!”

 “What do you want me to do, you know I don’t have money.”

 “Every time you don’t have money. When they touch you in your dream, you don’t have money. When they wake you up from sleep, you don’t have money. Mr *Eji’m may you continue to never have money.”

 Her father shook his head sadly. “You know what? Forget it, I tried, good luck, i’m done!”

 “Well you know what? It’s forgotten, you didn’t try hard enough, thank you and I was done a lifetime ago *anu ofia!” her mother fired back and spun around to nag at her father’s retreating figure.

 And then they saw her. She had been standing in the hallway and holding her teddy bear by one torn ear. She looked lost and dishevelled aroused from sleep by her parents bickering.

 Her mother’s mouth formed an ‘o’

 “What is it sweetie?” her father asked.

 “I had a bad dream,” she lied.

 “Come here.” Her mother crouched down and opened her arms. But she had run to her father instead, wrapping herself around his legs.

 “Come on my angel, i’ll take you back to bed.”

 She remembered the incident of that day as vividly as if it had happened yesterday and from that day run-ins between her parents became more frequent. But she knew even before then that things were not the same in her family especially after their last holiday overseas that had been sponsored by Father’s company when she was four.

______

A seaside holiday: the beach, long walks and sand castles. Father sat on a deck chair, trying to read. Cold wind was blowing despite the sun. Her mother rubbed sunscreen lotion on her and said you could not be too careful. She told Father to keep an eye on her, she had to go back to the vacation house for her book. Five-year-old Awele was burying her father’s feet in sand until Miss Stephanie sashayed to where her Father sat. She said she was on a vacation like them and throughout her light conversation with Father kept out reference to Awele’s presence or even the fact that Father was married. Her wide smile seemed forced and long nails painted red looked scary to Awele. She left her father’s feet and went further away from them to pick some seashells by herself. Father did not seem to notice as his gaze was riveted on Miss Stephanie’s ample bosom that was barely covered with her neon coloured bikini bra.

 Awele drifted further away until she could not see Father again. She was in a panic, she had not meant to wander so far away from her father, now she did not know how to go back. There were a few bathers by the seashore like her but she could see no one that remotely resembled her father. She was about to burst into tears when she heard her mother’s voice and then saw her. She had not wandered so far off after all and Mother did not seem too pleased with Father.

“You were so busy with Miss Stephanie’s breasts, you didn’t notice where your five-year-old child went, what kind of father does that make you?”

“Nneka stop making an issue out of nothing, I’m sure we will find her if we actually start looking for her.”

“And what were you doing that she wandered away without you noticing? What am I doing wrong Daniel?

Where did I go wrong?” she said and suddenly burst into tears.

“But honey…”

“Don’t but honey me, I saw you Daniel. I saw the way you were staring at her.”

“Your imagination is on overdrive Nneka, I was just trying to help the young lady and nothing more.”

Her mother’s tears vanished in an instant. “So I’m dumb as well as well as stupid now *okwia? I saw you so pointedly flirting and you are telling me nonsense. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Nneka, now is not the time for this, our daughter is missing and we have to find her. We can deal with this later.”

They were beginning to get an audience and Awele could see Father was getting worried. She decided to show up then and put an end to Mother’s melodrama but if she had thought that would be the end of her parents conflicts, she was in for an awakening.

 As the years went by things grew worse that she often times cried herself to sleep while they hammered away at each other. She had wished they would stop and go back to the times when they were one happy family. When her father took her mother out on fancy dates and left her in the care of the nanny. Those times were happy times which unfortunately, as she found out in the years to come, were gone forever. Her parents were constantly locked in a battle with each other they hardly took notice of her.

______

They barely noticed how quiet and timid she became in the company of people. How aggressive she was towards the maid and her mates. Even her mood swings went by unnoticed.

 Only one person saw the sadness in her eyes and the pain she tried to hide from the world – that she felt like she was the cause of her parents unhappiness. Uncle Kingsley, more of a family friend than an actual uncle, was the one who gave her the attention she sought.

He was the jovial uncle with a charming smile that lived a few houses away from theirs. He walked with a noticeable limp because he was born with one leg shorter than the other but he was the only one who cared to talk to her like she was a grown up. Who did not look down on her like the others and often brought her treats when he visited.

 But Uncle Kingsley was hardly a saint either. On every visit she made to his house when she turned nine, he made her stand naked in front of him while he inspected her body parts.

She knew her mother once told her not to allow any man touch her in the places Uncle Kingsley touched her except he was her husband. But she did not want to lose the friendship of the only person who gave her attention. She always left his house feeling guilty and that was why she never told Aunty Lana about her visits to Uncle Kingsley’s house.

******

Awele knew a lot including what had happened to her parents. She knew very well that Aunty Lana was lying that her father would come back because she had overheard her and the gate man, Ekwutos, when they were talking about it earlier. But even her intuition had not seen it coming.

______

 Father had just landed a job at a Finance firm that Mother’s connection had helped him secure. She knew this because Mother didn’t fail to point this out to father every time she had a chance to. However, there were hardly fights concerning money in the house anymore and mother hummed around the house more often than she usually did. The ministry which was a source of pride to her was growing by leaps and bounds. She was an international minister and televangelist whose ministry was fast becoming a household name and a hideout for all her failings at home especially with her young daughter.

 Awele was trial to her mother. She had often heard her say so, therefore she felt it must be true. She was always up to one mischief or the other, she questioned rules and fought bitterly over things that she did not even care about. Her attitude was so unruly and different from that of the perfect pastor’s daughter that she was expected to be.

 It might have been completely different for her if the events of last night had never happened. If when she had woken up in the morning her parents were there in the next room. She would have been sulking over her disgrace the night before that had been a combat over beans which she despised.

 She would have sulked because she found some pleasure in that activity particularly when someone or anyone put in the effort to win her out of her pouts. She always enjoyed any type of attention she could manage.

 Before supper, mother was humming to herself in the third room that had been converted to a study/library while working on next Sunday’s sermon. It was one of those rare evenings that Awele was allowed to play quietly with her dolls in the same room as her mother so she could keep an eye on her. Aunty Lana had gone to the market to shop for foodstuffs. It was a day like any other that started out as ordinary but one she would never forget.

 Mother was supposed to be keeping an eye on her but the attention she paid her could have been as that one pays to ghost. Awele was still sulking from the smack she had received from Aunty Lana earlier for talking back at her. So her mood was foul and made more vicious by her mother’s uncharacteristic happiness which she resented to no end. She threw a temper tantrum at her dolls and this in a flash, saw her to her room with another beating. She remained banished in her room and didn’t come out until she was summoned for supper.

 She was not hungry and was still angry over the smacks she had received earlier. But her father didn’t even seem to notice her or anyone for that matter. He was lost in brown study and only picked on his food. So she decided to take out her frustration on her beans – then she ended up sassing her mother and being sent from the table. She hated being sent from the table. Not that she cared so much about the food, but it was banishment. It made her feel more distant from her parents. She felt like the perennial outsider who on the one hand reveled in her independence of them but on the other, wanted desperately in.

 She went to her room more defiant as if that was where she wanted to be in the first place. She was determined that her parents would think so and not suspect that she was mortified as she was angry. A few spoonfuls of beans by the side of her rice was more important than she was to them.

 She laid on the bed, stared at the ceiling and surrounded herself with resentment. One day, she thought, one day she would be free to do as she liked. No one would stop her, least of all her parents who had so easily dismissed her. She would be rich, famous and beautiful. She would have her own family who would want her. She had no clear idea how she would accomplish these things but they were her goal.

______

She considered running away, perhaps landing at her aunt Umeadi’s doorstep. This she knew would hit Mother hard as Mother considered her step sister Umeadi, the only living family she had, as nothing more than a witch who had refused to stop worshiping the idols of her father’s house and serve God. But she did not want to leave, she wanted them to love her, and that urgent, frustrated desire was her prison.

 Later that night, she heard her father’s raised voice in the study. This was not a new thing but on this night, he seemed more angry than usual, hurling insults and hurtful accusations at Mother.

 “Serves them right,” she thought. “Let them fight themselves, it’s none of my business anyways.”

 But she was drawn forcefully out of her room by her mother’s piercing scream and the sound of glass being smashed on the wall. She only managed to tiptoe down the hallway, now frightened than angry, when Mother burst forth from the study and stormed past her with blazing eyes and a bleeding nose.

 She stood outside the study in the hallway, weighed down heavily with trepidation and fear, the kind of fear she saw in Mother’s eyes mingled with fury. Father came out of the study too without giving her as much as a glance as he went after Mother. Their raised voices could be heard from even four houses away as Father called Mother an ‘*ashewo,’ ‘lying adulteress’ and ‘*okwi ko minister’ while Mother screamed at him that he should leave her alone.

 While they engaged in a shouting match, Awele’s eyes were misting with tears and she wished she could do something to stop them from saying such terrible things to each other. She had never seen them so angry at each other, or more precisely, she had never seen Father in such a violent fit of rage.

 Aunty Lana came to the hallway and took her to the boys quarters and away from the madness that was her house.

 After she left, the house was quiet. Then she heard someone bang the outside door and then bolt it as they left. She heard the roar of a car engine as it came to life and then her mother’s unnaturally high-pitched voice as she shrieked for Ekwutos to open the gate. She also heard Father shout “Nneka!” and a few minutes later, he started his own car too and drove out of the compound.

 After they left, Awele felt a dull sharp pain in her head like there was a drum pounding away. It was probably from all her crying. Aunty Lana soothed away her tears and rocked her to sleep. And while she slept, both her parents died.

 She did not feel, as it was often said that children did, a break in the thread between them. She did not experience a premonition or dream of disaster. She slept on as most children did, deeply and carelessly while the people who gave birth to her died tragically in a fatal accident.

 According to what she heard Ekwutos and Aunty Lana discussing earlier, Father’s brakes failed while he was going after his absconding, adulterous wife and he ended up ramming the both of them into an oncoming trailer. The trailer was carrying a size-able quantity of fuel and so it burst into flames on impact, setting almost five other oncoming vehicles on fire. Thus, they ended the lives of more than twenty people, excluding themselves, with the tragedy that was their marriage.

 While she slept, she was blissfully unaware of what was happening to her parents. When she woke, the sun was up, she was back on her bed and her parents were gone.

 She was alone.

Glossary

Efulefu: (Igbo) worthless person (usually a man) in the eyes of the community.

Kitikpa racha gi anya: (Igbo) a curse

Inugo: (Igbo) have you heard?

Eji’m: (Igbo) I don’t have

Anuofia: (Igbo) a curse literally means bush meat or animal

Ashewo: (Yoruba) a Nigerian street word meaning a slut or whore

Okwi ko: (Igbo) a woman of easy virtue, a prostitute

Okwia: (Igbo) is that it?

The END

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